


Unbreakable

by DimensionTripperHomura



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-11-30 15:56:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11466840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionTripperHomura/pseuds/DimensionTripperHomura
Summary: AU toward the end of season one. Instead of Honoka getting sick a past weakness of Kotori’s comes back, leading to trouble for the girls, and possibly the end of Muse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> People asked for a KotoHono oneshot so I decided to upload my KotoHono wip (considering the fact that I have no KotoHono oneshots). Plenty of angst in this one! :)

Kotori shifted, trying to put more weight on her right leg than she was putting on her left. She supposed it hadn’t been a good idea to practice for so long last night. When she’d finished her left leg had been throbbing with pain. It had only dulled a little bit since then. At this rate she wasn’t sure how she was going to be able to perform.

  
She shook her head at the thought. She would just push through the pain. It wasn’t like she hadn’t had to do so in the past. Tentatively she placed her left foot on the ground, allowing her leg to take more weight. A stab of pain shot through her knee and she grimaced in response. 

  
“Kotori?” Umi’s concerned voice suddenly sounded very close and Kotori was left confused. Umi had been on the other side of the room up until a moment ago. “What’s wrong, you looked like you were in pain just now.”  
  
Kotori shook her head, her mouth set into a grim line. She didn’t need anyone fussing over her. That would just make her focus on the pain even greater than it already was. She needed to stop thinking about it so she could push through the performance. “Nothing, I’m fine.”  
  
Umi wasn’t convinced. Kotori wasn’t even looking at her. That was enough to tell her that she was lying. Besides that she knew that Kotori had a lot on her mind, given the decision she had to make. “Maybe you should sit dow…”  
  
“I said I’m fine, Umi-chan!” Kotori snapped, irritation seeping into her voice. She wasn’t angry with Umi. Not really. She was angry with herself for being so weak.

Shocked, Umi flinched at Kotori’s response. Kotori wasn’t the type to snap unless there was a good reason. Seeing Eli passing from the corner of her eye, she reached out and grabbed her wrist. She wasn’t sure why exactly. Maybe because she was so stunned by how harsh Kotori had been.

Eli turned a perplexed gaze to Umi. “What’s wrong, Umi? Are you nervous?” She chuckled under her breath and patted Umi’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much.”  
  
“Umi-chan is worried?” Honoka spoke, popping up at Kotori’s other side. “We’ll be fine, we’ve practiced, haven’t we?”  
  
Kotori unwittingly leaned toward Honoka, leaning on her without meaning to. It alleviated the ache in her knee slightly and she gave a sigh of relief.   
  
Honoka smiled warmly at the gesture, assuming it to be a show of affection rather than Kotori finding it hard to stand on her own. She slid an arm around her friend’s waist, giving her a brief squeeze. “This is it, Kotori-chan! One more performance and we’ll be going to Love Live!”  
  
Kotori forced a small smile in response. She would get through this, for Honoka’s sake most of all. “Y-Yeah, let’s do it.”  
  
Eli, who Umi was still clutching onto, followed her captor’s gaze to Kotori’s leg, her brow furrowing thoughtfully. She wasn’t sure why Umi was staring at it so intently. It wasn’t as though it looked any different to what it usually did. It was a little bit odd that Kotori didn’t seem to be putting much weight on it though. “Kotori, are you…”  
  
She was cut off rather abruptly as the door opened and the others made their way inside, talking between themselves.   
  
“Maki-chan, you look adorable. I don’t see what you’re so embarrassed about.” Nozomi was saying as she appreciatively looked Maki up and down. “It’s obvious why you have so many fans.”  
  
“Aah, shut up!” Maki tugged at the hem of her skirt. She was certain it couldn’t get any shorter. “You’re so embarrassing!”  
  
Nico rolled her eyes. “Don’t bother, Nozomi. You know how she is, she’s just going to complain.”  
  
“Stay out of it!” Maki barked irritably.  
  
Behind the three, Hanayo and Rin wandered in too, the former practically quivering with nervous excitement. Rin on the other hand looked somewhat worried.  
  
“Don’t be nervous, Kayo-chin. It’ll be fine!”  
  
Hanayo shook her head. “I-I’m not nervous at all. I’m just excited.” If she was absolutely honest, she was both.   
  
Nico nodded approvingly. “Good. My protegee should always be ready!”  
  
Rin and Hanayo turned to Nico at the same time, both surprised by what she was saying.   
  
“I’m what?!”  
  
“Kayo-chin’s your what?!” Rin closed her hand around Hanayo’s wrist, narrowing her eyes at Nico.   
  
Maki huffed out a sigh at their antics. “Idiot…”  
  
“Be nice, Maki-chan!” Nozomi scolded though her words were softened by the grin on her face. “Or I’ll have to punish you.”  
  
Maki automatically covered her chest with her arms. “Don’t even think about it!”  
  
Honoka couldn’t help but laugh at the antics of her friends. She had to admit they were a rather strange little group but she cherished them more than anything else. “Alright, let’s go!” She exclaimed, uncurling her arm from around Kotori’s waist to grab her hand. She didn’t wait for an answer before she rushed off, tugging Kotori with her.   
  
Umi caught the flash of pain on Kotori’s face, her eyes widening at the sight of it. It didn’t escape her notice either that Kotori was limping. “Kotori…”  
  
It was too late. Honoka and Kotori had already left the clubroom, the others filtering after them. Everyone except Eli who was still holding Umi’s hand.   
  
“What’s wrong?” Eli stepped in front of Umi, her brow knitted in concern. “You look like you just saw a ghost, Umi.”  
  
Umi slowly shook her head. “I-I think we should cancel.”  
  
“Cancel?!” Eli exclaimed in surprise. “We’ve been training for this for weeks. Why would we cancel? Honoka would never agree to that.”  
  
“Eli, please!” Umi couldn’t say why. She couldn’t give Eli a plausible explanation so she settled for pleading to her. “I can’t tell you why. I just can’t. But Kotori…if you care about her, you have to cancel this. Please, just trust me.”  
  
Eli gaped at Umi, surprised by the panic on her face. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. You’d have to ask Honoka or Nico and they would never agree to cancelling.”  
  
Umi bowed her head, biting her lower lip. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t tell Kotori’s secret to anyone. She had been entrusted with the truth when she was younger. Besides from Kotori’s doctors and mother she was the only person who knew. Kotori had never wanted to be seen as weak, had never wanted to be treated differently. “Please…”  
  
Eli’s free hand moved gently up Umi’s arm, resting on her shoulder. “You’re shaking. What’s going on? What aren’t you saying?”  
  
“Just trust me! Please, Eli.” The desperation in Umi’s tone was enough to give Eli pause. “I’ll never ask you for anything again, just help me with this. We can’t let Kotori perform today!”  
  
“U-Umi look, we can’t stop this. It’s raining and Honoka still won’t stop this performance. You’ll have to give me a reason. Just be honest with me, maybe I can…” She trailed off at the sight of Umi’s eyes dampening. “Hey…” As Umi’s lip began to tremble, Eli reached out and pulled her into her arms, gently shushing her. “It’s going to be fine, Umi.”  
  
Umi pressed her face into Eli’s shoulder and shook her head. Eli wasn’t listening to her, not really.   
  
“Elichi, what’s taking so long? The others are already…” Nozomi strode into the room midsentence only to stop short at the sight of Eli cradling Umi in her arms. Misunderstanding the situation, she grinned and planted her hands on her hips. “We have a performance, remember? You’ll have plenty of time for that later.”  
  
Umi hurriedly pulled away, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I-It’s not like that! I just…”  
  
Eli looked between the two of them. Maybe it was just her that Umi was uncomfortable confessing what was wrong to. Nozomi had always been the more approachable of the two of them. “Maybe if you tell Nozomi what’s wrong she could help?”  
  
Umi shook her head, her expression grim. “Nozomi, could you…ask Maki to take a look at Kotori’s leg before she performs? Please?”  
  
Nozomi quirked a questioning eyebrow. “What’s wrong with Kotori-chan’s leg? I can’t just ask Maki-chan to do that, you know. She’ll want to know why. Besides, if there is something wrong maybe you should take her to the nurse instead. Maki-chan isn’t a doctor or anything yet…”  
  
Umi frowned at the ground, rubbing the back of her neck. Nozomi had a point. She should have thought about that. It just seemed reasonable to look to Maki. Whenever any of the group were in need of first aid, albeit from minor wounds, Maki was always the first there.   
  
Eli gently rubbed Umi’s back. “We need to get back up to the roof. Come on, Umi.” She took Umi’s hand and gently led her up to the roof, Nozomi right behind them.   
  
“What took you so long?!” Nico asked irritably as the three took their places on stage. “You’re going to blow our chances for Love Live.”  
  
Nozomi ignored Nico’s question as well as Maki’s confused look as she took her place.   
  
Umi stopped next to Kotori and leaned in, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Kotori, please don’t do this. We can walk off this stage together. The blame doesn’t have to be on you, you can say I’m ill or something. Please.”  
  
Kotori shook her head. “I’m fine, Umi-chan. Don’t worry about me. I want to do this. For Honoka-chan. And the school. If this is the last thing…” She trailed off, trying not to think about the possibility. It could very well be the last thing she would ever do for her best friend.   
  
Honoka, cheeks flushed with excitement and as oblivious as ever grabbed her hand. “Are you okay, Kotori-chan? Umi-chan?” She looked past Kotori at Umi.   
  
“We’re fine, Honoka-chan. Just excited for the performance.” Kotori answered for both herself and Umi who had chosen to remain silent in wake of Honoka’s question. She reached for Umi’s hand, at the same time giving Honoka’s a quick squeeze.   
  
“Alright, everyone in position!” Nico announced, clapping her hands together. She shot Umi an odd look. Usually it was the second year who took over at that point but Umi didn’t seem to be focusing.   
  
Umi felt a chill go down her spine. “Kotori, please…”  
  
Kotori briefly met Umi’s eyes before she turned and walked away to take her position on the stage. She didn’t notice the others take their positions around the stage though she did allow her gaze to linger for a moment on Honoka. She could do this. It was just one last performance. She had to do it, for Honoka and everyone else.   
  
“I’m okay.” She whispered to herself as the music started up around her. She could do this. They had all come so far, she couldn’t be the one to slow them all down. She took a few deep breaths. It wouldn’t be easy. This performance especially would take it out of her. She didn’t have much time to dwell on that before she was forced to move. She couldn’t fall behind but she knew that she must be a bit slower than all of the other girls. It couldn’t be helped.   
  
She braced herself for the jump though nothing could have prepared her for the shock of pain that went through her knee when her left foot hit the floor again. She almost buckled beneath it but thankfully managed to keep herself upright. It hurt. It hurt so much that she felt she could cry from the pain but she knew that she had to carry on. For Honoka. For Umi and everyone else.  
  
She could see her mother pushing her way through the crowd, a worried expression on her face. As she spun she caught a similar look on Umi’s face even though her friend was executing every move with perfect grace. She knew that Umi wasn’t paying much attention to the dance itself. She was focused on Kotori.   
  
Kotori could barely focus on singing, her eyes stinging with tears. She wouldn’t be able to get through the next jump they had coming up. She couldn’t do it. She turned in time with the other girls and gasped as she felt something in her left leg crack. Strangely enough the pain didn’t come until a few seconds later but when it did it was explosive. She didn’t know what happened after that. She might have screamed. Somebody did. She could only assume that it must have been her. The next thing she knew, she was falling toward the floor as if in slow motion before everything turned black.   
  
“KOTORI-CHAN!” Honoka’s voice rang clear across the stage as she stopped what she was doing. The rest of the girls did too, silenced by the sound of Kotori’s scream. She ran across the stage, slipping because of how wet it was. She got up though, hurrying to Kotori’s side.   
  
“Kotori!” Umi hurried over too, Eli right behind her. She didn’t fall to her knees at Kotori’s side like Honoka did though. She stopped short, her hand going to her mouth. She felt arms go around her and somehow knew that it was Eli.   
  
“Kotori-chan?!” Honoka’s damp hands took hold of Kotori’s equally rain soaked face. “K-Kotori-chan?!”  
  
Hanayo was yelling in the background, something Honoka couldn’t understand. Maki was speaking loudly too, her voice panicked though Honoka had no idea what she was saying.   
  
“MOVE! GET OUT OF MY WAY!”  
  
Honoka looked up, just in time to see the principal climb onto the stage. It wasn’t very graceful and she was briefly surprised that the principal would do that. She was even more surprised when the woman dropped to her knees opposite her and she spotted the tears streaking down her cheeks.  
  
“Kotori?” The principal touched Kotori’s cheek gently, trying to wake her. It did no good. It seemed that Kotori had passed out completely. She hurriedly whipped off the coat she’d been wearing, putting it over her daughter to keep her somewhat warm. She lifted Kotori’s head into her lap after, gently brushing her daughter’s wet hair from her face.   
  
“We need an ambulance at Otonokizaka High School. It’s an emergency, our friend has collapsed.”  
  
Honoka looked up, finding Nico standing nearby, a phone pressed to her ear. Looking to the left, she found Nozomi standing there, hugging Hanayo and Rin tightly. Hanayo was crying while Rin looked plain terrified. Maki was standing with them, clutching tightly to Nozomi’s wrist.   
  
She sought Umi out next, automatically looking to her for reassurance. “Umi-chan?” She whimpered, wishing she could reach out to Umi. She couldn’t, not wanting to let go of Kotori. “Kotori’s going to be okay, right?” She didn’t like the silence she was greeted with. The tears she had been struggling to hold back spilled from her eyes. “Right, Umi-chan?!”  
  
Umi shook her head and turned fully into Eli’s embrace, her arms going around the blonde’s waist.   
  
—-  
  
Eli watched as Honoka paced back and forth in front of her, her hands on her head. Her entire appearance was disheveled. Even the clothes she had been made to put on by Eli and Maki were wrinkled and had obviously been put on in a hurry. She was muttering under her breath as she walked though nobody could understand what she was saying. Even Yukiho, who had lived with Honoka her whole life had no idea what her sister was talking about.   
  
Eli held Umi’s hand tightly in her own, trying to soothe her as best she could. Neither Honoka nor Umi were taking what was happening very well. It seemed to her like Umi hadn’t stopped shaking since before the performance had started, when they had been alone in the club room.   
  
“Did you two know about this?” Nico asked irritatedly from where she was leaning against the wall.   
  
Only the five of them were present. Nozomi had taken the first years off. To get some drinks, she had said, though Eli knew that she was trying to keep them out of the way and distracted. Her lips twitched at the thought. Her best friend really was the mother of the group. She wasn’t surprised that the first years had automatically sought Nozomi out.   
  
Feeling Umi flinch next to her, Eli brushed a gentle thumb over her knuckles. “Now isn’t the time, Nico. I…”  
  
Honoka stopped pacing suddenly, turning her angry eyes to Nico. “Why would you ask us that? I don’t know anything about this, why would I?!”  
  
Eli tensed, sensing an argument. “Nico really…”  
  
“Now is the time, Eli!” Nico exclaimed, her voice a much louder volume than she should really be using in a hospital. “We just lost Love Live because of this. Our school is going to close!”  
  
“Love Live?” Honoka’s voice was low and furious. It wasn’t a tone any of the girls had heard her use before. Even Umi felt a chill go down her spine. “Kotori-chan is in the hospital and all you’re thinking about is whether we make it to Love Live?”  
  
Nico wasn’t one to back down from a fight and rose to full height. “You’re the one who dragged us into this in the first place, idiot. You’re the one who wanted to save the school and what good did it do us? NOTHING!”  
  
Eli reached up, gently bring Umi’s head to her shoulder as one would with a scared child. It was what Umi resembled at the moment. She was whimpering, shaking from head to foot. The blonde looked nervously between Honoka and Nico. “Nico, shut your mouth…”  
  
Honoka stepped closer to Nico, her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Kotori-chan is more important than Love Live and the school. If you’re only going to complain about that you can leave right now.”  
  
“Onee-chan!” Yukiho reached out and grabbed Honoka’s wrist, pulling her into the seat next to her. “Stop it, you’re scaring me. This isn’t helping the situation. Please, just calm down. Let’s wait until Minami-san gets back at least. She’s still talking with the doctor, isn’t she?”  
  
Honoka didn’t say anything though thankfully she seemed to have been calmed by Yukiho’s words. Her eyes remained dark and narrowed however, fixed warningly on Nico.   
  
The group fell silent, Nico leaning back against the wall as she glared right back at Honoka. Eli continued to hold Umi’s head close to her shoulder, concerned by the younger girl’s trembling.   
  
A few minutes passed before the door opened, causing them all to look up, hoping to see the doctor and Kotori’s mother. It was only Nozomi and Maki though, their hands entwined between them. The two took up the free seats on Umi’s other side.   
  
“Where’s Hanayo?” Nico asked, casting a glance at the two before she looked back to Honoka. “And Rin?”  
  
“I sent them home.” Nozomi answered quietly as she placed her free hand on Umi’s knee in an attempt to soothe her. “They looked tired. Has there been any news?”  
  
Eli waited for someone to answer but when nobody did she took it upon herself. “Not yet.” She whispered, glancing at Nozomi over the top of Umi’s head. “They’re still talking.”  
  
Nozomi nodded in understanding and glanced toward Umi, a questioning look in her eyes. As she’d predicted, Eli understood what she was asking and shook her head in response.   
  
It was another half hour before the door opened again, this time to reveal Kotori’s mother. Honoka was on her feet in seconds, Yukiho beside her. Even Umi, who hadn’t budged for the past hour looked up.   
  
Principal Minami made her way over to Honoka, placing her hand gently on her arm. She looked distressed and softened, not at all like the professional principal they were used to seeing at school.   
  
Honoka felt Yukiho squeeze her hand but it did nothing to stop their trembling. “How is Kotori-chan? I-Is she okay?”  
  
Kotori’s mother shook her head and glanced briefly toward Umi. “She’s fine for now. She’s recovering and trying to stay strong.” She watched as Honoka breathed a sigh of relief. “Listen Honoka, Kotori…she probably won’t be able to walk when you see her. Her left leg is…she’s basically paralyzed.”  
  
Honoka shook her head, struggling to take in what Kotori’s mother was saying. “Wha…? I-I don’t understand. How…?” She was cut off as her voice broke with emotion. It couldn’t be true.   
  
Umi stood up on unsteady feet, her gaze on the adult woman. “What’s going to happen?”  
  
“She has to have another surgery.” Principal Minami’s voice shook as she spoke. The first time had been bad enough. “Bigger than the last one.”  
  
“Another?” Honoka interrupted, her voice still clogged with emotion. She gripped Yukiho’s hand, so tightly that her sister winced. “Kotori-chan has never had an operation!”  
  
Kotori’s mother shook her head. “Kotori had an operation when she was five. Before you met her, Honoka. She didn’t like to talk about it, she didn’t want to seem…”  
  
“Weak.” Umi finished, her voice trembling as much as her body was. She could feel Eli and Nozomi steadying her. Eli’s hand on her lower black while Nozomi gripped her elbow. “ She thought it made her seem weak.  She thought people would look at her differently.”  
  
She never had. She had always thought Kotori was the strongest person she’d ever known. She still did. She bowed her head, a sharp sob springing from her throat. It wasn’t fair.   
  
Umi’s words didn’t sink in with Honoka. She was still too busy trying to process the fact that Kotori was paralyzed.   
  
Kotori’s mother wiped tears from her cheeks. “The doctor said she could have visitors, for a little while. I’ve already been in and she’s awake so…I’m going to get her some clothes from home. Could one of you sit with her for a while?”  
  
“I’ll go.” Honoka and Umi answered in unison. They glanced at each other pensively but neither argued against the other going, Umi because she didn’t think she had any right to keep Honoka from Kotori and Honoka because she didn’t want to waste time.   
  
“We’ll all go.” Nozomi added, getting to her feet. “So she knows we’re all here for her.”  
  
Nico and Eli nodded in agreement while Yukiho took a step back, deciding to give the girls some privacy with their friend.   
  
“Thank you.” Kotori’s mother managed a small smile. At least this time round Kotori had more support. “She’s in room 214.”  
  
Honoka took off down the hallway while Umi hesitated, taking a deep breath.   
  
“Hey.” Eli stood up, slipping her hand into Umi’s. “Let’s go together, okay?”  
  
“R-Right, thanks Eli. I just…”  
  
“I know.” Eli didn’t need Umi to finish what she was saying to know. “Let’s go.” She tugged on Umi’s hand, gently guiding her after Honoka.   
  
Nico rolled her eyes at their interaction but willingly followed the two of them.   
  
“Come on, Maki-chan.” Nozomi said with a small smile as she looked down at the hesitant redhead. She offered her hand for her to take. “Let’s go.”  
  
Maki bit her lip as she stared at the offered hand. “I’m not sure…I don’t think I’ll know what to say to her. Maybe I should just stay out here with Yukiho. I-I don’t know…I can’t imagine…” She clenched her hands into fists atop her lap.  
  
Nozomi sighed and crouched down in front of Maki. “Neither can I. You don’t have to understand, or say anything to her. You being there is going to be enough for her.”  
  
Maki was silent for a few seconds before she finally nodded and took Nozomi’s hand. As the older girl stood, she allowed herself to be tugged from the seat. She briefly met Nozomi’s saddened eyes and forced a weak smile before she allowed herself to be led to Kotori’s room.   
  
—  
  
Honoka was halfway down the corridor when she realized that she had completely forgotten which room Kotori was in. She paused helplessly, at a loss for a moment before she heard footsteps behind her. She turned, opening her mouth to ask the person if they knew where she was supposed to go only to find Eli and Umi heading toward her.   
  
“You forgot which room, didn’t you?” Surprisingly it was Eli who spoke rather than Umi, though instead of teasing Honoka like she usually would have, she gently touched her arm. “It’s room 214. Come on.”  
  
Honoka walked the rest of the way to Kotori’s room, not wanting to get lost again. She broke away from Eli upon reaching the door and hurriedly let herself in.   
  
Kotori was staring out of the window, clearly lost in her thoughts. Her distraction gave Honoka a moment to look her over. She looked fine, aside from the IV she was hooked up to. There was no sign that she was hurt.  
  
“Kotori-chan?” Honoka whispered, walking further into the room. When Kotori looked over at her, her heart sank at the sadness in her best friend’s eyes. Without another word, she strode over to the bed, taking Kotori’s hand in both of her own. “Hey. I was…I was worried about you.”  
  
“You were?” Kotori’s voice was a weak whisper, her gaze drifting briefly over Honoka’s shoulder as Umi, Eli and Nico walked in. Somehow the sight of them only made her feel worse. Her gaze returned to Honoka and she was surprised to find her friend’s eyes awash with tears. Her own prickled at the sight. “Don’t cry, Honoka-chan…”  
  
“I’m not crying.” Honoka did her utmost to blink back tears but they just kept coming despite her best efforts.  
  
Umi noticed that Honoka was struggling to compose herself and let go of Eli’s hand, walking to the other side of the bed. She gently lay her hand upon Kotori’s, drawing the ashen haired girl’s attention to her.   
  
“I wish you had listened to me.” She said, her voice choked with emotion though she was admittedly doing a much better job of keeping herself in check than Honoka was. “I know something was wrong with you, I should have stopped that performance. I shouldn’t have let you go up there.”  
  
Kotori shook her head. “You couldn’t have stopped me. I had to.” Her gaze shifted to Honoka, panic seizing her. She hadn’t thought about what this meant for them. What it meant for Muse. Her features crumbled as it sank in. She wouldn’t be able to perform with Honoka and the others again. “H-Honoka, I’m so sorry. I messed up our chances at Love Live…”  
  
“Screw Love Live, I don’t care!” Honoka hurriedly shook her head, the sight of Kotori’s tears only increasing the ache in her chest. “I don’t care what Nico-chan or anyone else says, you’re more important!”  
  
Nico straightened up, angrily narrowing her eyes. Despite what Honoka believed she was there because she cared about Kotori too. “Hey, what the…?” She trailed off as Eli elbowed her none too gently in the side. “Ow.”  
  
Kotori shook her head, sending tears spilling down her cheeks. “Saving the school means everything to you, Honoka-chan. I’ve screwed everything up. I-I should have listened to Umi-chan and now I’m…I can’t even dance anymore. I can’t even…I can’t even walk! I’m…I’m just useless!”  
  
Honoka’s heart clenched as Kotori bowed her head, sobbing quietly into her hands. It wasn’t fair that something like this had happened to Kotori, of all people. “Y-You’re not useless. Don’t ever say that about yourself, Kotori-chan. None of this matters anymore.”  
  
Umi felt the control she had in place threaten to break at the sight of Kotori’s anguish and she quickly fled the room.   
  
Honoka noticed Umi go and straightened up suddenly. “I’m sorry, Kotori-chan. I have to…” She hurried after Umi, catching up with her in the hallway. “HEY!”  
  
Umi stopped short at hearing Honoka call out to her. She closed her eyes briefly. She had worried this might happen. Very slowly, she turned around, finding Honoka walking closer to her.   
  
“You knew, didn’t you?” Honoka asked angrily. It hadn’t taken her long to figure that out. Umi hadn’t seemed surprised by the news Kotori’s mom had given them. “You knew there was something wrong with Kotori-chan and you didn’t tell me anything about it.”  
  
“I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone!” Umi countered, her voice higher than usual. “She wouldn’t have told me if I hadn’t run into her at the hospital when we were kids. She didn’t want anyone to know, especially you!”  
  
“Especially…” Honoka trailed off. That hurt more than she had expected it to. She clenched her hands into fists, noticing Maki and Nozomi appear behind Umi. She didn’t pay attention to them. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m her best friend. We’ve always…”  
  
“Been together. I know!” Umi’s voice was rising too, her frustration getting the best of her. “You couldn’t have handled the truth. Why else does she keep things from you?!”  
  
“I could have helped. If I’d known I wouldn’t have let her get up there, I would have stopped her…”  
  
“God, Honoka, why are you so….you’re such an idiot! She did it for you, don’t you get that?! She did it because she knows how much you care about the school and she didn’t want to let you down. She did it because she felt too guilty that she’s considering leaving you…leaving us, so don’t get all high and mighty just because I knew. Even if you did know, you’re too irresponsible to do anything ab…”  
  
Honoka strode forward, her hand lifting without her really thinking about it. The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed around the corridor. Suddenly her hand was stinging and Umi’s face was turned away from her, a bright red hand mark upon her cheek.   
  
“HONOKA!” Eli, who had just stepped into the corridor stopped short, gaping at Honoka.   
  
Honoka clenched her hand at her side. “I know I get emotional! I know I’m not the strongest person when it comes to you and Kotori-chan but that’s because I care about the two of you too much! Y-You two always do this. I tell the two of you everything and you just leave me out. I’m not stupid, Umi-chan! And I don’t deserve to be lied to. Not by you. If I’d known I would never have asked her to do this.”  
  
Umi let Honoka’s words wash over her as tears spilled down her cheeks. She knew that Honoka was right in a way. This was their fault. It was her fault. She turned on her heel and rushed down the corridor, pushing past Nozomi and Maki.   
  
“Umi!” Eli exclaimed before she ran past Honoka.   
  
Honoka numbly turned and made her way back to Kotori’s room, finding Nico trying to keep Kotori from getting up. As soon as Kotori saw her though, she stopped struggling.   
  
“Honoka-chan?” Kotori called, letting Nico push her gently back against the pillows. She watched as Honoka paced agitatedly in front of the small couch in the room. “Honoka-chan?”  
  
Honoka sat down heavily on the chair, staring at her reddened palm. It was her fault. She had pushed Kotori and Umi into being idols. If she had known she wouldn’t have. Umi was wrong, she could have helped. Kotori’s safety was the most important thing to her and now because of one performance, Kotori couldn’t even walk.   
  
“She did it for you, don’t you get that?”  
  
Honoka crumbled at the memory of Umi’s words and leaned forward, her head falling into her hands as she sobbed quietly. It was all Umi’s fault. And hers. If Umi had just told her the truth none of this would have happened. “I’m sorry. I’m so…sorry.”  
  
“Honoka-chan, this isn’t your fault.” Kotori said as if she knew what Honoka was thinking. Her own eyes filled with tears in response to Honoka’s. “I pushed myself for a reason. Not just because I didn’t want to let you down, I wanted to be normal. More than anything, I wanted to fit in. To be treated like I wasn’t a freak, l-like I wasn’t going to break at any second…”  
  
Honoka wasn’t listening, or rather she was too caught up in her own guilt to answer Kotori.   
  
“Honoka-chan!” Kotori tried to get up again but Nico was still there, pushing her back down.   
  
“I swear if you try to get up one more time I’ll call for a nurse.” Nico said though there was no irritation in her voice, just plain worry. She watched as Kotori’s tears thickened, a sob escaping her. “Honoka, would you get the hell over here? I…” She glanced toward Honoka and found she hadn’t moved.  
  
Thankfully Nozomi and Maki chose that moment to appear. The former didn’t take more than a few seconds to take in what was happening before she crossed to the bed, perching on the edge to gently draw Kotori into her arms.   
  
Nico glanced between Honoka and Maki in exasperation. “Where the hell are Umi and Eli?!”  
  
Maki bit her lip and shook her head. “I-I’ll explain later.”  
  
—

Eli followed Umi into the bathroom and grimaced at the sound of her throwing up. “Umi? Are you okay?”  
  
There was no answer for a couple of minutes, aside from some more gagging but Eli waited patiently for it to quieten.   
  
“No.” Umi finally answered, her voice choked. “I’m a terrible person. Honoka is right. I…”  
  
“Umi, come out here.” Eli’s tone was gentle but demanding and after a few seconds, Umi stepped out of a stall, her head bowed. “Come here.”  
  
Umi was across the room in seconds, colliding with Eli in a desperate, tearful embrace. “I-I really messed up, Eli. Honoka is right. I should have told her, I shouldn’t have let Kotori perform.”  
  
Eli brushed her hand over the top of Umi’s messy hair, trying to calm her. “You tried, Umi.”  
  
“Not hard enough.” Umi clenched Eli’s jacket in her closed fists. “Kotori would have done anything to perform. For Honoka. It’s Honoka’s fault but it’s not really, is it? It’s my fault for keeping her in the dark. If…if anyone could have helped Kotori, it would have been Honoka. She should have found out, not me. I’m…I’m the one who’s useless.”  
  
Eli shook her head and held Umi tighter. “Don’t say that. You had to keep it a secret. Honoka is just too afraid to see that right now. She doesn’t know what’s going to happen and she’s lashing out. Just give her some time.”   
  
Carefully, she drew back from the embrace to take a look at Umi’s face. It was already bruising, her cheek a bit swollen where Honoka had hit her. “Let me get you cleaned up and then we’ll go home, okay?”  
  
Umi’s lip trembled at the unexpected gentleness as Eli’s fingers brushed over the bruise. She couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat so she gave a shaky nod instead.   
  
Eli slipped off her jacket and draped it over Umi’s shoulders before she left her for a moment to get some tissues which she quickly soaked with the faucet.   
  
Umi was silent as Eli gently wiped the tears stains from her cheeks, being careful when she reached the bruise. Every time Umi flinched in pain the blonde uttered an apology but Umi couldn’t bring herself to answer.  
  
“There. That’s better. Let’s go, you need some rest.” Eli took Umi’s hand and guided her from the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments, guys! It's gonna be a long, angsty road with this fic...

_“She did it for you, don’t you get that?! She did it because she knows how much you care about the school and she didn’t want to let you down. She did it because she felt too guilty that she’s considering leaving you…leaving us!”  
  
_ Umi’s words echoed around Honoka’s mind as she stared at Kotori’s sleeping face. She hadn’t been able to forget about them she’d heard them from Umi four days ago. They’d just stayed in her mind, repeating themselves non-stop.   
  
The statement had done nothing short of confuse her. She didn’t know what Umi meant when she said that Kotori was thinking about leaving them. Where could she be going? Surely if she needed to go on a trip of some kind she would have just said so.   
  
She didn’t dare bring it up with Kotori, not wanting to upset her any more than she already was. There was no way she was going to ask Umi either but the more time she spent not knowing, the more she worried. Maybe Kotori was secretly so sick that there was no way she’d get better and that’s what Umi had meant by her leaving them.   
  
The thought had Honoka’s throat closing up with emotion and she tightened her grip ever so slightly on Kotori’s hand. She couldn’t think like that. The idea of losing Kotori was too hard for her to comprehend. She couldn’t lose her.   
  
Kotori stirred slightly at the slightly tighter grip on her hand but she didn’t wake, much to Honoka’s relief.  She hadn’t slept last night either it seemed. When Honoka had returned to the hospital she had seemed drained and exhausted. It was only when Honoka had sat with her for an hour or so, talking about anything but what was going on with her health that she had dozed off. 

  
“Honoka-chan…”  
  
Honoka looked up, finding half-lidded eyes looking back at her. It seemed she had been wrong about Kotori not being awake. “Kotori-chan?”   
  
She didn’t receive a verbal answer but Kotori tugged on her hand. She was weak and groggy from the drugs but the urging encouraged Honoka to stand by herself and slip onto the bed with her. She tried to be careful when she got up but somehow she managed to bump her leg into Kotori’s as she did so.   
  
She froze in alarm, expecting Kotori to cry out in pain. When that didn’t happen she felt nothing but guilty. “I-I’m sorry, Kotori-chan. I’ll be more careful…”  
  
Kotori let go of Honoka’s hand and pushed down on her shoulder instead, encouraging her to lie down. “Painkillers.” She mumbled, laying her head on Honoka’s chest without even a pause to think about it. “Can’t feel it…”  
  
Honoka flushed at their close proximity but shifted anyway, her arms going around Kotori to hold her close. “I’m still sorry.”  
  
“It still doesn’t matter.”  
  
Kotori’s cold words were enough to silence Honoka. She didn’t know what she was meant to say to that. She wanted to apologize again but clearly that wasn’t what Kotori needed from her. She fell silent instead, absent mindedly rubbing Kotori’s back. She didn’t know what to do to help. She didn’t know what to say.   
  
“Your heart is beating fast.” Kotori mumbled after a few minutes. Honoka’s heart was practically pounding against her chest beneath Kotori’s ear. She supposed Honoka mustn’t feel comfortable with her anymore. She mustn’t know what to do with the pity she felt. She felt Honoka inhale as if she were about to say something but no words followed. “I didn’t want anyone to find out about this. I didn’t ever want anyone to find out. Especially you.”  
  
Honoka wondered if either Umi or Kotori had any idea how much those words hurt her - ‘especially you’. As if she in particular couldn’t be trusted with the knowledge.   
  
“I guess Umi-chan must have told you about me leaving to study fashion abroad, right?” Kotori’s voice was soft and void of emotion as she spoke. “That’s why I pushed myself. I know I shouldn’t have. I should have done what Umi-chan said and taken it easy but I had to perform, knowing it could be the last time I ever did with Muse.”  
  
Honoka’s breath caught in her throat, her grip on Kotori loosening. “I-I didn’t know you were leaving. How was I supposed to know? You never told me. You never tell me anything…”  
  
“I-I wanted to tell you so much. I wanted to tell you more than anyone.” Kotori’s voice had been lacking emotion before but now it was thick with it. “I was scared that if I told you…I wouldn’t be able to go because I’d miss you so much. And I was scared that you might just give up and tell me to go! That you’d want me to leave…”  
  
Honoka’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Of course I’d tell you to go, Kotori-chan! Even if I didn’t want you to for selfish reasons, I would tell you to go because I want what’s best for you a-and this is your dream. What I want doesn’t matter.”  
  
“What about what I want?! I wanted to study fashion but I wanted to stay here with you even more than that! I-I wanted you to ask me to stay!” Kotori was pleading with her friend to understand though she wasn’t sure Honoka was really getting it. “Y-You don’t understand, Honoka-chan!”  
  
“Then make me understand. Please. I don’t know what you’re saying.” Honoka was frustrated with herself. She should have been able to understand better. Maybe if she could Kotori would have trusted her with her secrets. “Whatever it is, just tell me.”  
  
“I love you!” Kotori’s voice grew louder, tears filling her eyes. “I love you so much and I’ve just messed everything up now. I-I kept so many secrets from you and I know how angry you must be with me b-but I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to pity me or see me differently. I thought if…if you knew about my condition you would never love me!”  
  
Honoka felt her own eyes prickle with moisture at the sound of how upset Kotori was. “How can you say that?” She gently stroked Kotori’s hair, trying to soothe her. “I could never see you any differently. You’re Kotori-chan. My best friend since elementary school. How could I not love you?”  
  
With a great amount of effort, Kotori pushed herself up so that she could look into Honoka’s eyes. “R-Really?”  
  
“Really.” Honoka whispered, her gaze focusing on the tears that clung to Kotori’s long eyelashes. She didn’t notice Kotori lean in until her friend’s lips had grazed her own. She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes as Kotori kissed her softly.   
  
She hesitantly kissed back, confused by what Kotori was doing. Feeling the other girl’s arms tremble, she lifted her own torso from the bed and wrapped her arm around Kotori’s back, holding her up. She didn’t want to push Kotori away but she wasn’t sure what she was doing either. It couldn’t be that Kotori loved her like that. Kotori was far too good for her. She belonged with someone like Umi or Eli.   
  
They parted slowly from the tentative kiss and their eyes met.   
  
“I’m scared, Honoka-chan.” Kotori admitted in a whisper, tears sliding free from her eyes. “I’m so scared.”  
  
“I know.” Honoka’s hand moved to the back of Kotori’s head and she guided her back to her, holding her close. She lay back down, feeling Kotori tuck her face into the crook of her neck. She shivered at the tears that touched her skin but didn’t say anything. “It’ll be alright. I promise.”  
  
—  
  
Kotori stared vacantly toward the window, wishing she was outside rather than cooped up in the hospital. It was ironic. When she’d had her first operation she had longed to stay indoors and isolate herself from the rest of the world. That was before she had met Honoka who had shown her a new way. She wished Honoka was there now.   
  
She heard movement across the room and looked toward the door, hoping to see Honoka walk in. She wasn’t exactly disappointed to see Nozomi walk in with Maki a few steps behind her but it must have looked that way.   
  
“Hoping for someone else?” Nozomi teased as she made her way over to the bed. She brushed Kotori’s bangs back and pressed a kiss to her forehead in greeting.   
  
Kotori couldn’t help but smile at the affectionate gesture. “No. Eli-chan isn’t with you today?”  
  
“So you were expecting someone else. I’m hurt, Kotori-chan.” Nozomi continued to tease as she sat down on the chair next to Kotori’s bed. “Elichi is just preoccupied at the minute. She’s coming by later, don’t worry.”  
  
“Oh. She…doesn’t have to do that, you know?” Kotori felt slightly ashamed for making her friends run around after her. It seemed they were always visiting her, not wanting her to be alone for long periods of time.   
  
“She wants to.” Nozomi said seriously, giving a shake of her head. She noticed Maki had wandered over and was awkwardly standing next to her chair and rolled her eyes. “You’re too quiet, Maki-chan. Why are you just standing there? It’s just Kotori-chan, there’s no need to be shy.”  
  
Maki’s eyes widened. “W-What are you talking about?!”  
  
Kotori regarded Maki closely, noticing she wasn’t looking at her. “It’s okay if you feel awkward around me because of my condition, Maki-chan. I understand.”  
  
Maki shook her head quickly. “I-It’s not that. Honestly!” She just didn’t know what to say. Seeing Kotori ill made her chest ache but she didn’t know how to express that. She knew Kotori didn’t want her pity but that wasn’t what she was feeling.   
  
“Come on, Maki-chan.” Nozomi reached out and wrapped her arms around Maki’s waist, pulling her onto her lap. “That’s better. Now we can all relax.”  
  
Maki gasped as she grasped Nozomi’s shoulders for balance. “N-Nozomi! What are you doing?”  
  
“What kind of partner would I be if I let you stand?” Nozomi playfully kissed Maki on the cheek, causing her to blush crimson.   
  
“Nozomi!”  
  
Kotori giggled at their display and leaned back against her pillows. “Partners? Are you doing something in Muse?”  
  
Nozomi shook her head. “Partner as in girlfriend. Maki-chan and I have been dating for a couple of months now.”  
  
Maki lightly smacked Nozomi’s arm. “Nozomi! W-why are you telling her that?!”  
  
“Sorry, Maki-chan.” Nozomi apologized but she looked oddly proud of herself.   
  
Kotori watched them in amusement, relieved to finally have something happy to focus on. “You two are adorable together. Why would you hide it from us?”  
  
“Maki-chan likes her privacy.” Nozomi answered, lessening her grip on Maki when she felt her relax. “And it was new so we wanted to keep it to ourselves.”  
  
Maki gave a nod of agreement. “Plus, we didn’t want to hurt anybody by being too obvious.”  
  
Nozomi rolled her eyes at Maki’s addition but she didn’t say anything. For some reason Maki had the strange idea that Eli liked her romantically. Usually Maki was quite observant but she was way off with that idea. “If you say so.” She gave the girl a gentle squeeze of reassurance, earning herself a small smile.   
  
Kotori watched the two of them closely, curious about their interactions. She couldn’t help but feel jealous of their closeness. It was different to what she had with Honoka but it was what she wanted with her. “How did you get…I mean when did you know that you were…together as more than friends?”  
  
“How did we know?” Nozomi echoed, raising a questioning eyebrow. “I suppose it would have been when we started doing things we wouldn’t have with anyone else. Going on dates, other stuff…” She cast a smirk at Maki who stubbornly ignored the suggestive comment.   
  
Kotori sighed and looked down at her lap. She was hardly in any fit state to be taking Honoka on dates. “Right.” She said quietly. She hadn’t exactly received the answer she had wanted. She had kissed Honoka but that didn’t mean that they were going out. Not like Nozomi and Maki were. “But…the other stuff, did you do that first? And being intimate together doesn’t really mean that someone wants to date you…does it? And how do you know if they want to do that? Just because you kissed someone and they kissed you back that doesn’t mean they like you like that, right?”  
  
“Who did you kiss?” Surprisingly it wasn’t Nozomi who spoke up but Maki. As soon as the words left her mouth she blushed and looked away. “I mean…maybe we can help.”  
  
“I thought you were only this bold in bed, Maki-chan.” Nozomi teased, earning herself an annoyed glare from the blushing redhead. “What? I’m just saying…” She turned her attention to Kotori and dropped her teasing. “When did you kiss her?”  
  
“I…yesterday.” Kotori admitted reluctantly, seeing there was no point in arguing. “I told her I love her and I kissed her.”  
  
“Huh? Who?” Maki looked between the two in confusion. “Umi?” She winced at the thought. Honoka would certainly be angry when she found out about it.  
  
“Did she kiss you back?” Nozomi continued without waiting to give Kotori an answer.   
  
“Um…kind of. Yeah, she did.” Kotori answered, forcing some confidence into her voice. “It only lasted a few seconds but she did.”  
  
Maki frowned at the two of them. They weren’t even listening to her. She tried to figure it out for herself instead. It couldn’t have been Umi otherwise Kotori would have reacted. It was unlikely that it was Eli. Her eyes widened in realization. “It’s Honoka!”   
  
Nozomi rolled her eyes while Kotori shrunk down in her bed, her cheeks flushed. “Of course it is. Why would Kotori-chan kiss anyone else when she’s in love with Honoka-chan?” She once again turned her gaze to Kotori. “If she kissed you back she probably likes you.”

“I-I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not though.” Kotori toyed with the edge of the blanket covering her legs.   
  
“What?” Maki spoke up again, intrigued. “Why would it be a bad thing if you like her?”  
  
“Because even if Honoka-chan loves me and wants to be with me, how can I let her when I’m like this?” Kotori gestured to her legs. “I’ll be more trouble to her than I’m worth. Honoka-chan deserves someone who’s not broken.”  
  
“Kotori…” Maki slipped off Nozomi’s lap and went to the other side of the bed, perching on the edge. She took one of Kotori’s hands, vaguely noticing Nozomi stand to do the same. “Come on, you’re not broken. It’s not going to be like this forever. You’ll have your operation and after physio you’ll get better.”  
  
“And we’ll be here to help you through it.” Nozomi chimed in seriously. “Honoka-chan and the rest of us. We’ll be right by your side.”  
  
Kotori bit the inside of her cheek and stubbornly forced her tears back. She was getting much better at hiding her feelings from people, she was finding. “Honoka-chan should be with someone better.”  
  
“For Honoka-chan there is nobody better than you.” Nozomi said, her tone firm. “You should know that, Kotori-chan. It doesn’t matter what happens, Honoka-chan isn’t just going to stop loving you.”  
  
Kotori didn’t say anything in response. She didn’t believe them. She couldn’t.   
  
—-  
  
Nico was on her way to Kotori’s hospital room, a plastic bag in one hand when she spotted Nozomi and Maki walking down the corridor hand in hand. They were too busy looking at each other so they very nearly bumped into her. Hurriedly, Maki pulled her hand away from Nozomi’s.  
  
Nico scowled at them. “I get that you two only have eyes for each other but could you watch where you’re going at least?! You’re going to run someone over.” She turned an irritated stare toward Maki. “And you’re not subtle, Maki.”  
  
“Nicocchi!” Nozomi looked nothing short of overjoyed to see Nico. “You’re here! And you brought Kotori-chan food, how generous of you!”  
  
“Of course I did! Have you tasted the crappy hospital food they have here?” Nico shuddered at the thought. She had sampled some a couple of days ago when she’d been sitting with Kotori. “Kotori doesn’t deserve to have to eat that crap.”  
  
“Crap, you say?” Maki growled, taking a step forward.   
  
“Now, now. Don’t fight.” Nozomi put her hand on Maki’s shoulder and drew her back to her side. “I’m sure Kotori-chan will be happy that you brought her the food, Nicocchi. We won’t keep you.” She stepped aside to allow Nico to pass.   
  
“Good. I’ll stay with Kotori until Honoka shows up or she goes to sleep so you two can go if you want.” Nico said, stepping past them. She didn’t wait for an answer before she took off for Kotori’s room though she did look back in time to see Maki take Nozomi’s hand again. “Idiot. She could have at least waited until they were around the corner…”  
  
Taking a deep breath, she stepped into Kotori’s room, pasting a bright smile to her face. She walked in just in time to see Kotori wiping her eyes. Her smile slipped away and she quickly made her way over to the crying girl. She placed the plastic bag on the table with the other gifts people have given Kotori and perched on the edge of the bed.   
  
“Kotori? What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice low and tense. Kotori looked up at Nico and shook her head, tears still clearly slipping down her cheeks. As soon as Maki and Nozomi had left Kotori had finally given in to the ache in her chest. It was just unfortunate that Nico had chosen that exact moment to walk in.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” She answered higher than normal. “W-What are you doing here Nico-chan?”   
  
“You’re not fine, don’t lie to me.” Nico’s voice was harsher than she had intended and she watched as Kotori flinched. “Look…” She trailed off, watching as Kotori hurriedly brushed more of her tears away. With a shake of her head she stood up from the bed. The tray in front of Kotori caught her attention and she wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Ugh, gross. What the hell is that supposed to be? Miso soup?” She leaned closer to look at the tray. “You’re not eating that.” She pushed the tray away and grabbed the plastic bag she’d discarded a moment ago. “Here, I brought you some real food.”  
  
Kotori watched as Nico pulled a pink bento box from the bag, placing it in front of her. It was quickly followed by a pink thermos and a plate of cookies wrapped in plastic.  
  
“Chicken noodle soup.” Nico explained when she noticed Kotori leaning forward to check the thermos. “Cotaro loves when I make it for him. Cocoro and Cocoa helped make the cookies, that’s why they’re so messy. They thought the smiles might cheer you up or something.”  
  
“You sure love pink, Nico-chan.” Kotori said thoughtfully though she could feel her mouth watering at the smell of the soup. She felt like she hadn’t eaten real food in days. It was probably true. She only picked at the hospital food she was given. Hanayo brought her rice sometimes when she visited and Eli brought her chocolates but she hadn’t had an actual home cooked meal in a while. “It smells delicious…”  
  
“Of course it does! I cooked it, didn’t I?” Nico asked though she couldn’t help but smile brightly at the praise. Noticing Kotori’s fingers twitch, she motioned towards the food. “Go ahead.”  
  
Kotori didn’t need to be told twice and hurriedly dug into the food.   
  
Nico sat on the edge of the bed again, a small smile tugging at her lips. Somehow the way Kotori dug into the food with no thought toward manners made her happy.   
  
“This is delicious, Nico-chan!” Kotori said, barely pausing to swallow the soup in her mouth. She didn’t know how she hadn’t realized she was so hungry. She pulled off the lid of the bento box, her eyes widening at the rows of sushi inside. Her gaze caught on the two bird shaped onigiri and she finally gave pause. “You did all of this for me? It must have taken so much time…”  
  
Nico waved her off. “I’m used to doing things like this, it hardly took any time at all.” She was relieved when Kotori didn’t ask anymore questions but went back to eating instead. She chuckled, noticing a piece of rice sticking to Kotori’s cheek and reached forward to brush it away with her fingertips. Kotori barely paused to mutter her thanks.   
  
Nico was tempted to ask what Kotori had been upset about earlier and whether it had anything to do with Nozomi and Maki who had left but she decided against it, figuring it would only upset the other girl again. It was the last thing she wanted, if she was honest. As Kotori continued to eat Nico allowed her thoughts to drift. The rest of µ’s was a mess if she was honest. They were all worried about Kotori’s condition and it was making things tense, especially between Honoka and Umi who hadn’t spoken to each other in days. It was Honoka’s choice, that much was obvious. Whenever Umi tried to speak to her she would blatantly ignore her. Nico couldn’t help but feel sorry for Umi, having witnessed the hurt look that always seemed to appear on her face when Honoka rejected her. At the same time it angered her that Umi had kept such a major secret from all of them, especially because it was concerning the safety of one of their friends.  
  
Either way it was annoying that the two were at odds. It was clear Kotori wouldn’t be in any shape to continue with µ’s just yet. That was bad enough without the others fighting between themselves. Even Rin and Hanayo were a lot tenser than usual. She’d caught Hanayo in the bathroom one day, in tears. She shook her head, trying not to think about how Hanayo had clung to her as she cried. It scared them all that their school could be closed at any time. Everyone except Honoka it seemed. She didn’t seem to care anymore.   
  
After an hour or so, the sound of movement from the door caught her attention and she looked up in time to see Honoka walk into the room. The leader of µ’s looked surprised to see her but quickly shook the surprise off as she made her way to Kotori.   
  
“Hey, Kotori-chan.” Honoka leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Kotori’s cheeks. It was casual though she pulled away blushing. “You look…different.” She was relieved to find that Kotori looked a little bit happier than when she had last seen her at least.   
  
“Nico-chan cooked for me.” Kotori explained, feeling slight more content now that she had eaten.   
  
“That was nice of her.” Honoka didn’t address Nico as she spoke. For the most part she just ignored her and kept her attention fixated solely on Kotori. “If you were hungry I could have brought you something, you know.”  
  
Nico silently fumed as she glared at Honoka’s back. It was like Honoka didn’t even acknowledge the rest of them anymore. She was too lost in her own worries. Her fists clenched at her sides and she got to her feet, ready to give Honoka a piece of her mind when the doctor walked in, following closely by Kotori’s mother.  
  
“Kotori…” Principal Minami walked to Kotori’s other side, taking her hand. “The doctor wants to speak to you for a few minutes. About your surgery.”  
  
“My surgery?” Kotori sounded uncertain as she looked at the doctor. She felt Honoka grip her other hand and glanced toward her, noticing the anxious look on her face. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Nico shift and cross her arms in front of her chest. “What about it?”  
  
“Your mother was telling me about the club you’re in.” The dark haired doctor said, her voice gentle. “I just wanted to make sure you knew that after the surgery your recovery is going to be a lengthy one. You’ll have to undergo physical therapy for a number of months before you’re fit enough to walk again. With a surgery this complex we can’t promise you will dance again. We can only hope.”  
  
“I’m never going to dance again?” Kotori’s words echoed around the suddenly silent room. “But µ's…”  
  
Nico felt sick as the realization slowly sank in. She couldn’t imagine µ’s with just the eight of them. It was supposed to be nine. That was what Nozomi always said.   
  
Principal Minami squeezed Kotori’s hand. “Kotori, I’m sorry. You’re going to have to quit µ’s. We need to focus on your health right now. It’s the most important thing.”  
  
“B-But the school…”  
  
“You’re more important.” Kotori’s mother told her quietly. “Much more important. All that matters is that you get better.”  
  
“We’re not going to lie to you about the recovery process.” The doctor said seriously. “It’s going to be a long one and you’ll be in the hospital for at least a few weeks, maybe more. But you’ll have all of the support you need and it’s our hope that we’ll be able to help you walk again without aid within a few months.”  
  
Kotori was sure her grip on Honoka’s hand was tight to the point of pain. She cast a glance at her best friend, her chest only tightening further at the stunned look on Honoka’s face. “I want to be alone. Can you leave please?”  
  
“Kotori…” Principal Minami started wearily.   
  
“Please.” Kotori repeated, her voice cracking this time. “I just want to be alone.”  
  
Much to her relief, her mom kissed the top of her head before leaving with the doctor. Nico quickly followed and Honoka began to pull her hand away to do the same but Kotori refused to let go.   
  
“Kotori-chan?” Honoka’s worried voice reached Kotori faintly. “Do you want me to stay?”  
  
Kotori nodded slowly, her eyes stinging with oncoming tears. “I-I’m sorry, Honoka-chan. I…” She felt arms go around her suddenly and she held onto Honoka as tightly as she could as she dissolved into soft sobs. It was all her fault. She had disappointed Honoka even if her best friend wouldn’t admit it and she was going to let everyone else down too. She was just a failure.   
  
—-

The worrying made it hard to focus on her homework, Eli had found over the past few days. Whenever she tried to sit down to do it the words seemed to blur in front of her eyes, melting together into a stream of unintelligible letters.   
  
She sighed and rubbed her eyes, trying to concentrate as best she could. It was impossible. She couldn’t stop thinking about Kotori’s situation as well as Honoka and Umi’s. Umi was miserable. She blamed herself for what had happened to Kotori and she felt like she had lost Honoka too.   
  
She leaned back in her chair just as her phone rang. She leaned forward again, plucking the cell phone from the desk in front of her. It was Nico. Frowning, she answered the call.   
  
“What’s up, Nico? You don’t usually…”  
  
“I need to talk to you.” Nico interrupted, her voice sharper than usual. She sounded stressed, Eli noticed. Her voice was trembling with anxiety. “Both of you.”  
  
“I’m here too, Elichi.” Nozomi piped up before Eli could ask what Nico meant by ‘both’. “Nicocchi is being quite mysterious tonight. All she told me is that she has something important to tell us. Well Nicocchi? What is it you have to say?”  
  
Nico took a deep breath. She could barely believe it herself. “I went to see Kotori today and-”  
  
“I know, I was there. I hope you didn’t annoy her too much, Nicocchi.”   
  
“Nozomi, this is serious!” Nico snapped angrily. She waited for a beat until she was sure that Nozomi wasn’t going to interrupt again. “The doctor came around not long after I got there and she said…she said that Kotori will probably never dance again. She has to drop out of Muse.”  
  
“WHAT?!” The loud exclamation came from both Nozomi and Eli, the latter standing up abruptly from her desk.  
  
Nico flinched at the loud response and moved her phone away from her ear for just a few seconds.   
  
“T-That can’t be right. We can’t lose Kotori-chan!” Nozomi exclaimed, her voice significantly quieter than a moment ago though she was still talking quite loudly. “It’s supposed to be the nine of us and Kotori-chan is part of the original three! We can’t…” She trailed off shakily.   
  
Maki stirred next to her and Nozomi forced herself to quieten down.   
  
“I-I have to go.” Eli hung up before the other two could say anything.   
  
“Eli!” Nico cursed under her breath, realizing that Eli had hung up on them. She needed to speak with them. She needed advice from them, she needed to know what they would do without Kotori in the group.   
  
“I-I have to go to, Nicocchi. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, I-I need time to think about…things.” Nozomi mumbled into the phone. “I-I don’t think Muse can…I have to go.”  
  
“What? Nozomi, don’t you dare leave me right now.” Nico’s voice was clogged with emotion as she gripped the phone tighter. “Please don’t hang up the phone. I need your help. Please, I…”  
  
Nozomi didn’t hang up the phone but she didn’t answer either. She pressed close to Maki, burying her face against her bare back, between her shoulder blades. It wasn’t the point that they would never win Love Live or even save their school. The point was that their group, something she had worked so tirelessly to put together was falling apart. The point was that Kotori’s life would never be the same. It wasn’t fair.   
  
Nico listened as Nozomi cried into the phone, tears slowly slipping down her own cheeks. “Nozomi…”  
  
Maki, having been half awake and listening to what Nozomi had said, slowly pulled away and turned over.  She gently took the phone from Nozomi and lifted it to her own ear.   
  
“We’ll talk to you tomorrow, Nico-chan.” Maki paused, hearing a choked disagreement on the other end of the line. “Look…if you need to come over we’re at Nozomi’s apartment. If you…”   
  
The sound of a click let her know that Nico had hung up. Sighing, she cast the phone aside and pulled Nozomi into her. It was so typical of Nico, not to accept help. She could only hope Nozomi would.  
  
“Hey.” She pressed her forehead against Nozomi’s, damp eyes meeting her own. “What’s wrong, Nozomi?”  
  
“K-Kotori-chan has to drop out of Muse. This isn’t right, Maki-chan. She was one of the original three. What if Muse disbands?” Nozomi’s voice quivered as she spoke anxiously. “And what if it doesn’t? It was always supposed to be the nine of us. It won’t be the same…”  
  
“I-I don’t know, Nozomi.” Maki felt her eyes prickle with tears and pulled Nozomi into a fierce hug. “M-Maybe we could find a way to keep Kotori with us that doesn’t involve her dancing? We won’t just let her go. She’s still our friend, no matter what.”  
  
Nozomi nodded faintly against Maki’s shoulder, not trusting herself to speak just yet.   
—  
  
Eli was shaking. She had been since she had heard the news from Nico. She’d left her house not long after, jogging all the way to Umi’s house. Even when she reached it, her hand noticeably shook as she reached for the doorbell.   
  
She didn’t have to wait more than a minute before Umi opened the door herself. Eli was surprised, having expected a member of the Sonoda’s staff to answer. “Umi…”  
  
“I was at the window so I noticed you coming.” Umi said sheepishly as she noticed Eli’s surprise. She had been confused by the fact that Eli had seemed to be running toward her house. She observed Eli silently for a moment as the blonde shifted from foot to foot. Her eyes widened suddenly. “What’s happened, Eli? It’s strange for you to come to my house…and without calling me.”  
  
Eli swallowed thickly. “Something has happened. I need to tell you, I-I didn’t want you to find out from anyone else, especially not over the phone. Can we go somewhere? Please?”  
  
Umi nodded, unable to speak. Instead of beckoning Eli into the house she slipped her shoes on and stepped outside with her. In silence she led Eli around to the backyard, her heart in her throat. Finally, she cleared her throat and sat down heavily on the marble bench in the yard.   
  
“Is it about Kotori?” She asked anxiously, her hands clasped together tightly. She hadn’t been back to the hospital since that first day. She couldn’t bring herself to go. She felt far too guilty to do so and somehow she knew that she wouldn’t be welcome there. “Is she okay?”  
  
Eli perched on the bench next to Umi. “Nico told me that the doctor dropped by to speak to Kotori today.” She reached out to take Umi’s trembling hand in her own. “The doctor said it’s unlikely that Kotori will be able to dance again, Umi. Nico says she’ll have to quit Muse.”  
  
It took a moment for the news to really sink in. “No. No!” Umi shook her head, her eyes slowly filling with tears. It couldn’t be true. Kotori loved dancing, and she loved Muse too. She couldn’t lose that. “Oh god…”  
  
“Hey, come here.” Eli scooted close and drew Umi into her arms, hugging her tightly. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure something out.”  
  
Umi clutched Eli tightly and shook her head against her shoulder. They wouldn’t be able to figure anything out. This was a problem that was beyond all of them. “This is all my fault.” She spoke through her tears, sickened by her guilt. “I should have told Honoka. I should have told her as soon as we started Muse. She would have made sure Kotori was being safe. She wouldn’t have let her take stupid risks like she did! Like the risks I let her take…oh god, if I hadn’t been so stupid Kotori would have been fine! I’m such an idiot! ”  
  
“Hey!” Eli pulled away from Umi and gripped her upper arms, giving her a light shake. “Don’t you dare think that, Umi! All you did was what Kotori asked you to do. You were just being a loyal friend, that’s all! None of this is your fault. You’d have done the same thing for Honoka, wouldn’t you?!”  
  
Tearfully, Umi nodded her head.   
  
“See?” Eli’s grip on Umi’s arms relaxed. “It’s because you’re a loyal friend. You love them and you don’t want to let them down. You’ve done nothing wrong, okay? So please stop blaming yourself. I hate hearing you talk about yourself like that.”  
  
“E-Eli…” Umi bowed her head, a choked sob escaping her. “Honoka hates me for what I did to Kotori. I don’t think she’ll ever speak to me again.”  
  
Eli’s chest tightened at the sight of Umi’s anguish. “Stop it. Honoka could never hate you. She loves you, even if she’s angry with you. The two of you…you’re like family. It doesn’t matter how angry you get at each other you’ll never just leave. Honoka’s going to come around eventually, you know she will.”  
  
Umi shook her head and leaned back into Eli, resting her forehead against her shoulder. “What if she doesn’t? I-I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her. Or Kotori…”  
  
“You won’t lose either of them. I promise.” Eli held Umi close to her and turned slightly to press her lips against the side of Umi’s head. “I’m not going to let that happen.”  
  
Despite her tears, Umi had the presence of mind to blush as Eli kissed the side of her head. “Don’t leave me.” She requested softly, feeling Eli’s arms go around her. She couldn’t deny that it made her feel warmer than she had been feeling. More secure. “I don’t want to be alone.”  
  
“I’m not going anywhere.” Eli promised softly, holding Umi closer to her. She wondered if Honoka knew just how much she was hurting Umi by ignoring her. She hoped not. She didn’t want to imagine Honoka knowingly being so hurtful. It wasn’t like her.  
  
—  
  
Nico stood at the head of the table, an irritated look on her face. Eli and Umi had just walked in, ten minutes late and taken their seats but they were still waiting for one more person. Finally, after what felt like another ten minutes had passed Honoka walked into the room.   
  
It was deadly silent in the room as Honoka walked in. She didn’t look toward Umi who had sat up a bit straighter in her seat. She certainly didn’t sit down in the empty seat next to her. Instead, she dragged the seat away and pushed it between Rin and Nozomi’s. To make room for her, Rin scooted her chair closer to Hanayo while Nozomi did the same with Maki.   
  
Eli gritted her teeth together at the action. She knew that Honoka was upset with Umi but what she had done was unnecessarily hurtful. Before she could say anything Nico cleared her throat.   
  
“I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that Kotori isn’t going to be with us anymore.” She started, her voice tinged with annoyance. Her gaze flitted between the members, finally stopping at Nozomi who she glared irritably at.   
  
Rin and Hanayo both startled at the news, their eyes widening in shock. “What?!”  
  
They hadn’t seen her in the past couple of days. They had only visited her at the hospital once.   
  
“I-Is Kotori-chan okay?” Hanayo gripped Rin’s arm, her eyes filling with tears. “She’s not…w-what’s wrong with her, Nico-chan? Why won’t she be here anymore?”  
  
It took all of Nico’s willpower not to soften at seeing Hanayo’s tears. “Long story short, her knee is too messed up for her to dance so she has to quit Muse. Which is just great for the rest of us, you know? We’re just left with only eight members.”  
  
A choked whimper escaped Umi and Eli grabbed her hand quickly, giving it a squeeze of support.   
  
“Nico-chan.” Honoka’s voice was low and dark, her gaze fixed on the top of the table in front of her. As quiet as she was speaking the tone of her voice was enough to draw everyone’s attention. Even Rin and Hanayo who were in tears, looked over. “If you ever speak about Kotori-chan like that again I won’t be responsible for my actions.”  
  
Umi’s eyes widened at Honoka’s words. They were cold, though she could see that Honoka’s hands were clenched into tight fists atop the table. The rest of the group too, looked at Honoka through wide eyes.   
  
“Well she’s not much use to us now, is she?” Nico wasn’t sure why she was saying all of these things. She wasn’t angry with Kotori. She was upset for her. It hurt that Kotori wouldn’t be with them. “I mean unless you can get her back to make the costumes, I guess that would…”  
  
“SHUT UP!” A loud bang echoed around the room as Honoka brought her fists down onto the table. Hanayo all but jumped towards Rin, startled by the loud noise and Umi flinched toward Eli. A few seconds later, Honoka was on her feet, glaring Nico down. “You better shut your mouth, Nico-chan. I swear…”  
  
Her chest ached horribly for Kotori. It wasn’t fair that she couldn’t be there. It wasn’t fair that Nico was talking about her in such a way. “You have no right to talk about what Kotori’s worth. She’s worth more than you ever will be, school idol be damned! She doesn’t need that and if you only think of her as being ‘useful’ to you, you can stop visiting her!”  
  
“Honoka-chan, calm down.” Nozomi got to her feet, trying to calm the escalating situation. “Nicocchi, stop this! This isn’t helping anyone, especially Kotori-chan. I know y-”  
  
“Stay out of this, Nozomi. You didn’t exactly help last night, did you?!” Nico’s sharp eyes turned toward Nozomi.   
  
“Hey!” Maki interrupted loudly, reaching up to take Nozomi’s hand. She didn’t care who was watching, she wasn’t going to let Nico talk to her girlfriend like that. “Nozomi was just as upset as you last night, Nico-chan! It’s not like we shut you out. I told you to come over!”  
  
Nico growled low in her throat. “Fuck off, Maki. Nobody asked you!”  
  
Eli’s eyes widened at the cursing. “Nico, stop it. You seriously need to calm down!”  
  
“Calm down?!” Nico sounded as if she were speaking through gritted teeth. “Why are you sitting there anyway? It’s Umi’s fault that Kotori is crippled in the first place, isn’t it? It’s her fault that Kotori might never dance again, that she might never fucking walk properly again! How can you sit there with her when you know that?!”  
  
Umi buried her head in her hands, crying softly. Nico was right. It was her fault. She should have done something to stop Kotori. Honoka would have done something if she’d known what was going on. Kotori would have actually listened to her.   
  
“What the hell, Nico?!” Eli’s arm went across Umi’s shoulder and she drew her close to her side. “This isn’t Umi’s fault! What was she supposed to do when Kotori asked her to keep it a secret?!”  
  
“She should have cared more about her so called best friend’s safety than keeping a secret!” Nico was practically trembling with rage, her face red.   
  
“N-Nico-chan, please calm down.” Hanayo tried to keep her voice steady but it shook noticeably, even to her. Near her, Rin was trembling, her face awash with tears. Even Nozomi who was usually so composed was clutching Maki’s arm.   
  
Hanayo’s quiet plea was enough to calm Nico down, just for a moment.   
  
Honoka cleared her throat, drawing everyone’s attention toward her. She lifted her gaze to them. “Kotori-chan won’t be coming back. Nico-chan is right about that. But there won’t be eight members in Muse. I’m leaving too. I quit.”  
  
There was a collective gasp from the other members as Honoka made her announcement.

“Y-You’re kidding, right?” Nico’s shock was quickly replaced with rage. “You’ve GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! AFTER EVERYTHING YOU’RE JUST GOING TO QUIT?!” She shot to her feet and surged toward Honoka, her fist raised.   
  
Maki shot up from her seat, placing her arm protectively in front of Nozomi’s chest in case Nico approached.   
  
“Nico-chan, no!” Hanayo jumped between the two of them, desperate to stop what was going to happen. She saw the fist coming toward her and at the last second raised her arms to cover her face. The impact of Nico’s fist with her arms sent her stumbling back and she tripped over her own feet, landing on her behind at Honoka’s feet. “Ow, ow, ow…”  
  
“KAYO-CHIN!” Rin scrambled off her seat, stumbling to her knees next to Hanayo. She wrapped her arms around the teary girl and looked up at a stunned Nico. “How could you do that, nya?!”  
  
Nico’s arm, which had still been raised finally fell back to her side. “I-I didn’t mean to, Hanayo. I-I’m so sorry…” She began to move forward only to be stopped by Rin’s harsh glare.   
  
“Stay away!”  
  
“I-It’s okay, Rin-chan. I’m okay.” Hanayo looked past Rin, easily able to see the distress in Nico’s teary eyes. “It’s okay. Nico-chan, it’s fine.”  
  
Nico hurried out of the room, disgusted with herself.   
  
“So that’s it then?” Maki’s voice was quiet as she stared at Honoka. “You’re just done with us now? Done with Muse? I thought you were better than this, Honoka. I thought you cared about Muse. About us.”  
  
“Kotori-chan needs me more than any of the rest of you.” Honoka answered, numb to the fact that she’d almost been punched. “I joined Muse with my best friends. Doing this without them would be wrong.”  
  
Eli gritted her teeth, feeling Umi look up at Honoka. “Umi has always been right here, Honoka.”  
  
Honoka turned cold eyes to Eli. “Me and Umi-chan aren’t friends. We aren’t anything.” She couldn’t imagine forgiving Umi for keeping such an important secret from her. She doubted it was possible.   
  
“Honoka, don’t say that.” Umi leaned forward, tearfully pleading with Honoka. “You’re my best friend. I can’t…w-we’ve always been best friends.”  
  
“If anyone wants to see Kotori-chan don’t talk to her about Muse. It’ll only upset her.” Honoka completely ignored Umi and turned on her heel, hurrying out of the room. 


	3. Chapter 3

Nico hadn’t looked Kotori in the eye once since she’d gotten to the hospital. She’d barely spoken to her either, just mumbled that she’d brought her something to eat and replaced the ‘crappy hospital food’ as she would usually refer to it with the bento box she’d brought along.   
  
She’d proceeded to sulk in the chair next to the bed after that and Kotori hadn’t felt comfortable with saying anything. She’d eaten in silence but while she would have usually dug into the food with gusto she could barely bring herself to swallow it when faced with how miserable Nico was.   
  
After Kotori was finished, they continued to sit in awkward silence for a couple of minutes until Kotori couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you okay, Nico-chan?”  
  
Nico glanced up sharply at the concerned question. She couldn’t help but feel guilty after all of the hurtful things she’d said about Kotori. Making her seem like she was just a tool to be used and discarded had been out of line. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”  
  
Kotori looked down at her hands in her lap. She wished Honoka was there. “I’m sorry if I’m making things hard for Muse.”

Nico gave a shrug of her shoulders. “It’s not like you can help it. It doesn’t matter now anyway. You don’t have to worry about it anymore, you have more important things going on…”

Kotori’s shoulders slumped even though Nico’s words hadn’t been berating in any way. She still felt bad, causing trouble for them. “I wish I could have stayed with Muse. I wish…”  
  
“Wishing isn’t going to help anyone.” Nico said, her voice sharp this time. “It’s not going to help you, it’s not going to help me and it’s definitely not going to help Muse!”  
  
Kotori bit down hard on her bottom lip. Nico was definitely annoyed with her. Her eyes burned with oncoming tears which she stubbornly blinked away. “I’m sorry…”  
  
Nico found herself suddenly choked up when confronted by Kotori’s response. It wasn’t her fault, not really. She didn’t deserve to be in the situation she was in. Before she had the chance to say anything further Maki and Nozomi walked into the room, hand in hand. Nozomi still looked upset though it seemed that was quickly put aside when she noticed Kotori’s forlorn state.   
  
As Nozomi let go of her hand and moved to sit next to Kotori, Maki shot Nico an accusing glare. “What have you been saying to her?!”  
  
“S-She hasn’t been saying anything to me, Maki-chan.” Kotori said quietly, looking up. Her eyes were dry now and she was able to force a small smile toward Nozomi who was comfortingly rubbing her back. “I’m fine. Really, I am. Now that I’ve eaten I don’t feel sick anymore a-and Nico-chan was just keeping me company.”  
  
“I hope that’s right.” Maki glared once more at Nico before she turned on her heel and walked to the bed. She sat on the opposite side to Nozomi, laying her hand on Kotori’s. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“I don’t know. Fine.” Kotori answered quietly, her gaze focusing past Maki. She didn’t want to tell them to stop asking how she was feeling though she was tired of hearing it. They were just trying to help her. “I’m fine.”  
  
Nozomi and Maki shared a worried look, both aware that the answer wasn’t a true one.   
  
“Maybe…” Kotori hesitated awkwardly, not sure how much she should share when Nico was in the room. “I-I miss Honoka-chan. Do you know if she’s coming today?”  
  
“We’re not sure, Kotori.” Maki said reluctantly. They hadn’t heard from Honoka since she’d left the club room that day. “Maybe. She came yesterday, didn’t she?”  
  
Kotori gave a grim shake of her head. “I think I might have scared her off after I…after I did what I did.”  
  
Nico scoffed and shook her head. “As if that moron could stay away from you. She obviously loves you otherwise she wouldn’t have gone and quit Muse for you.”  
  
“Nicocchi!” Nozomi exclaimed, surprising by Nico’s matter of fact statement. “What are you doing?!”  
  
Kotori stared at Nico, her words slowly sinking in. She shook her head in confusion. Honoka loved Muse. She wouldn’t just quit. “Honoka-chan quit Muse? I don’t understand, why would she do that?”  
  
Nico clenched her hands into fists. “Because she’s a…”  
  
“Shut your mouth, Nico-chan!” Maki cut in before Nico had a chance to finish whatever she was going to say.   
  
“I-I still don’t understand…” Kotori mumbled, staring down at her hands. “Honoka-chan loves Muse. She wouldn’t just quit.”  
  
Nozomi sighed softly and shook her head. “She does love Muse. She wouldn’t give it up unless it was for something she loves more.” She gently drew Kotori close to her side. “She doesn’t want to leave your side, Kotori-chan.”  
  
Kotori supposed she should be happy about what Nozomi was saying. It was what she’d always wanted. For Honoka to love her. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. “This isn’t right…”  
  
“You’re telling me?” Nico asked, relieved that at least somebody seemed to understand how messed up it all was. “She said, and I quote, ‘I joined Muse with my best friends. Doing this without them would be wrong…”  
  
Nozomi looked up sharply. “Nicocchi, don’t…”  
  
Kotori’s brow furrowed further. “But Umi…”  
  
“Honoka says Umi isn’t her friend anymore.” Nico crossed her arms in front of her chest. “She talks to her like she hates her or something.”  
  
Maki bolted up from the edge of the bed, her expression livid. “Nico-chan!” She scolded angrily. She knew exactly how much Nico’s words would hurt both Kotori and Nozomi. Kotori because her best friends were no longer best friends and Nozomi because the group she’d worked so hard to bring together was falling apart right in front of her. “Shut UP!”  
  
“What? And lie to her because the truth might be hard?! She deserves to know! Even Kotori agrees that Honoka leaving Muse isn’t right!” Nico retorted furiously.   
  
Nozomi hugged Kotori tighter.   
  
“Even if that is true, Honoka should be the one to tell her, not YOU!” Maki could barely believe Nico’s audacity. “If you cared about Kotori at all…”  
  
“Of course I care, why else would I be here?!” Nico’s eyes were suddenly even more alight with anger as she took a step forward. “Unlike Honoka I don’t think of any of you as just members of Muse or people I can just toss aside when I’m done with them, you’re my friends! Kotori is my friend!”  
  
Maki almost softened at Nico’s words. “Well this isn’t going to help anyone. I understand how you feel. Everyone in Muse is my friend too, I don’t like that Honoka has left us anymore than you do. But it is what it is.”  
  
Nico scoffed at the comment and turned away. “Whatever.”  
  
She was angry with Maki but more than that she was frustrated with herself. All she seemed to be doing was lashing out and hurting the people she cared about. First she’d said awful things about Kotori, then she’d accidentally hit Hanayo and now she was hurting Kotori again with her words.   
  
A few minutes passed in awkward silence before the sound of a gentle knock at the door shifted everyone’s attention. Honoka stood there, looking slightly awkward.   
  
“Is everything okay?”  
  
Nozomi almost jumped up from the bed, aware that Nico wouldn’t be happy to see Honoka. Just as she’d expected the girl let out a low growl but Nozomi had already grabbed her wrist. “We were just leaving. We were waiting for you to get here.” She held out her free hand to Maki, feeling her grasp it a few seconds later. “Have a good night, you two!”  
  
Honoka moved out of the way of the door, trying to ignore Nico’s glare as the three passed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Maki-chan willingly hold hands with someone…” She mumbled though she quickly forgot about it, her gaze turning to Kotori. She paused at the look on her best friend’s face. It was a look of sadness, mixed with disappointment. “What is it?”  
  
“I want you to go back to Muse. I don’t want you to quit because of me, Honoka-chan.”   
  
Honoka’s jaw clenched. She should have told Kotori before anyone else got the chance to. Slowly, she approached the bed. “I quit Muse because I want to stay beside you, Kotori-chan.”  
  
“W-What about Umi-chan?”  
  
“What about her? My decision to leave Muse had nothing to do with her.” Honoka answered, barely able to keep the annoyance she felt from her voice. “I’m more concerned about you.”  
  
“But you love Muse!” Kotori exclaimed in frustration. She couldn’t ask Honoka to give up something she held so dear. Not for her.   
  
“I love Kotori-chan more.” Honoka stubbornly pointed out, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “If I have to choose, I’ll always choose you.”  
  
Kotori’s heart leapt in her chest at Honoka’s words. She’d always wanted to hear that but it wasn’t right. She still couldn’t ask Honoka to do what she was doing. “I don’t want you to choose. You don’t have to. Not between me and Muse and not between me and Umi-chan either. It’s not her fault that I asked her to keep it a secret, I practically forced her. If anything, you should be mad at me…”  
  
“No!” Honoka looked horrified by the idea of blaming Kotori. “It’s not your fault, Kotori-chan. It’s Umi-chan’s fault, she should have told me! A-And it’s my fault too. I should have paid more attention, I-I should have been a better friend. Like…like Umi-chan…” She clenched her hands into fists. Umi had noticed that something wasn’t right. But she hadn’t. “Y-You always notice when there’s something wrong with me. I should have noticed too.” She moved forward, taking Kotori’s hand. “I’m sorry, Kotori-chan. But I’m not going to be selfish anymore. I’m going to be right by your side the whole time.”  
  
“Honoka-chan…” Kotori’s free hand flitted to Honoka’s face, pressing gently against her cheek. She remembered what Nozomi and Maki had told her about just going for it. “I-I love you. Not just as friends, I-I’m in love with you. I’ve known for a long time now that I would do anything for you, no matter what. I’ve been thinking about when I kissed you a-and we haven’t really talked about it but…but I want to.”  
  
Honoka’s eyes were wide as she stared at Kotori. She was still certain it couldn’t be right. Kotori should be with someone better. She looked down at their hands, a sad smile on her lips. “Kotori-chan, I’m…I’m flattered. I-I think…”  
  
Kotori sucked in a sharp breath as she watched Honoka struggle with what she was saying. She hadn’t imagined it going like this.   
  
“When you kissed me, I think I felt something. For you. I hadn’t really thought there was anything different about the way I loved you before. At least no different to the way I…” She paused, thinking of Umi. “The way I love everyone else. But maybe there is. I don’t know right now, I just…need some time to work it out. I’ll give you an answer bu…”  
  
“Honoka-chan, it’s fine.”  Kotori’s voice was choked with emotion but there was a smile on her face. “Did you really think I’d make you give me an answer right away?”  
  
She’d had months to mull over her feelings. It wouldn’t be fair to give Honoka a few days.   
  
Honoka felt a familiar fluttering sensation in her chest upon seeing Kotori smile at her but she wasn’t sure what it was. She pressed her hand over her heart, her brow furrowing.   
  
A knock at the door interrupted the two and a nurse walked in a moment later. “Time for your sponge bath, Kotori-chan!” She announced brightly before noticing Honoka. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had visitors!”  
  
“It’s okay, Itsuki-san.” Kotori glanced between the nurse and Honoka, her voice having returned to normal by now. “This is Honoka-chan, my other best friend.”  
  
The nurse smiled kindly at Honoka. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” She didn’t hesitate to go back to doing her job, not giving Honoka a chance to respond. “Now, please take off your shirt, Kotori-chan.” She shut the door behind her and adjusted her long dark hair in the messy bun she’d piled it up into.   
  
“I-I’ll go and find something else to do.” Honoka said quickly, taking a step toward the door.   
  
“No, it’s okay, Honoka-chan. You can stay if you want…” Kotori said somewhat shyly, stopping Honoka in her tracks. “W-We’re both girls so it doesn’t matter…”  
  
Itsuki gave a gentle laugh at Kotori’s logic. “Exactly. We’re all just girls!”  
  
Honoka rubbed the back of her neck, wondering just what kind of nurse this woman was. She seemed quite familiar with Kotori. Almost too familiar, like she had known her for years or something. “Okay…”  
  
She moved further into the room but decided to leave the nurse with some room. Not thinking anything of it, she let her gaze linger on Kotori. She was glad she’d been asked to say. It meant that Kotori was opening up to her a bit more.   
  
She watched as Kotori tugged off her shirt, expecting to find her sitting in her bra. She didn’t. Her eyes widened, taking in the expanse of Kotori’s chest for a moment before she squeaked in alarm and turned around. “K-Kotori-chan, you’re not wearing a bra!”  
  
Kotori blinked at Honoka in confusion. “So?” She didn’t see why it mattered. “It’s fine, Honoka-chan. We used to take baths together all of the time when we were young, don’t you remember?”  
  
“When we were KIDS!” Honoka exclaimed loudly, her face bright red. “I-I just saw your…oh my god.”  
  
Itsuki couldn’t help but laugh at Honoka’s strange reaction. “You weren’t lying when you said she was funny. Cute too.”  
  
“D-Don’t call me cute!” Honoka exclaimed though she didn’t dare turn around. “Kotori-chan, that’s not fair. H-How would you feel if I just showed you mine?!”  
  
Kotori raised an eyebrow though she knew Honoka couldn’t see her. “Uh…is that a trick question?”  
  
“Kotoooori-chan.” Honoka groaned miserably though silence followed in it’s wake this time. She heard the slight creak of the bed as Kotori leaned forward, followed by a splash. Most likely the sponge being dipped into the water. She tried not to look but she couldn’t help trying to look at Kotori out of the corner of her eye. Nobody made a sound, besides breathing. Kotori’s was harsher than usual, Honoka noticed. Like she was panicked about something.   
  
Taking a deep breath, Honoka turned around, preparing for herself for the same sight she’d been greeted with a short while ago. She found Kotori leaning forward, her eyes squeezed shut as Itsuki moved the sponge over her back. She was clenching the blanket covering her up to the waist in her hands, a blush covering her cheeks. Despite her earlier teasing she looked like she was on the verge of tears and Honoka’s chest tightened.   
  
“H-Hey…” Honoka’s voice shook as she spoke. She couldn’t stand seeing that look on Kotori’s face. She looked so ashamed. She swallowed thickly when both Kotori and Itsuki looked at her. “I-I know I’m not…I uh…” She didn’t know what she wanted. “Um…Kotori-chan, can I…” She looked down at the floor, her brow knitting. She couldn’t stand seeing Kotori so vulnerable. “ If…if you’ll let me, I want to hold your h-hand. Can I?”  
  
Kotori felt her eyes burn with tears but she wasn’t sure if they were tears of sadness. “Please.” She held out her hand to Honoka who hastened toward her, taking her hand in both of her own.   
  
Kotori kept her eyes on Honoka’s who stared right back at her. It made her feel slightly better to have her best friend so close to her. The familiar bright blue eyes searching her own were enough to calm her, at least a little bit. She didn’t take her gaze away from Honoka’s until the sheets were pushed down to her feet.   
  
“Kotori-chan, look at me.” Honoka’s voice was surprisingly steady and Kotori’s eyes quickly flitted back to her. She was met with a small smile and a hand moving up to stroke her hair. “It’s fine, just don’t look away from me, okay? I’m right here.”  
  
Kotori gave a shaky nod and kept her gaze focused on Honoka’s. As Itsuki continued with the sponge bath, she resisted the urge to bow her head in embarrassment. It was so humiliating. At least it was only Honoka though. When Honoka’s gaze seemed to slide from her own, her chest seized though. She realized what Honoka was looking at. She was still wearing shorts so her legs were fully on display. “H-Honoka-chan, please don’t look…”  
  
“I’m sorry!” Honoka’s eyes darted back to Kotori’s. “I-I didn’t mean to. It was an accident, I swear. I won’t do it again.”   
  
The last thing she wanted to do was make Kotori uncomfortable. She continued to gently stroke her best friend’s hair, their eyes locked intently together.   
  
“All done, Kotori-chan.” Itsuki said brightly, covering Kotori up with the blanket again.  
  
“T-Thank you.” Kotori couldn’t bring herself to look at the nurse. Instead she drew Honoka close to her and hugged her tightly. Neither of the girls heard Itsuki saying that she’d leave them alone for a while. “Thank you for staying with me, Honoka-chan. I know it was just Itsuki-san but it’s so…humiliating.”  
  
Honoka rubbed Kotori’s back, trying not to think of the way her friend’s bare chest was pressed flush to her clothed one. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. Before the kiss she’d shared with Kotori she’d never had these kinds of thoughts before. It wasn’t that she had never looked at another girl before. She had. She’d allowed her gaze to stray a few times to the likes of Eli and Maki, usually when they were dressed down or in swimsuits. But she’d always thought it was just curiosity. With Kotori it was different. It was stronger.   
  
“Y-You don’t need to thank me.” She managed to choke out, giving Kotori a light squeeze. “I told you, I’m going to be with you every step of the way, Kotori-chan.”  
  
Kotori smiled, the first genuine smile in days but she hid it, burying her face in Honoka’s neck.   
  
—-  
  
Maki stepped out of the bathroom in a loose t-shirt and sweatpants, towel drying her hair from the shower. As she’d expected she found Nozomi in the kitchen, making tea. She watched as the sleeves of the dark sweatshirt Nozomi was wearing kept falling over her hands, making pouring the tea a bit difficult. It was Maki’s, though she’d grown used to Nozomi borrowing her clothes. She didn’t mind, not really. Even if she did complain about it every now and then.   
  
She silently walked over to Nozomi just as the third year moved to pour the tea into the second teacup. Her arms went around Nozomi’s waist and she gently nuzzled her shoulder, causing the older girl to yelp in surprise.   
  
“Your cards didn’t tell you I was coming?” Maki teased, her lips brushing against the skin of Nozomi’s exposed neck.  Much to her satisfaction she felt Nozomi shudder.   
  
“I guess you caught me by surprise.” Nozomi said quietly, turning her head slightly more toward Maki. Despite the lowness of her mood since she’d come back from the hospital she couldn’t help but smile. It was touching that Maki felt she could be so open and relaxed with her.   
  
Maki drew Nozomi tighter against her, her brow furrowing. She could tell that there was something wrong with her. She wasn’t blind.   
  
“Your hair’s wet. You’re going to get me soaked.” Nozomi complained though she had no intention of pulling away.   
  
“You’re wearing my clothes anyway.” Maki said with a soft laugh. She shook her head for added effect, the remaining water drops from her hair flying in all directions. At Nozomi’s answering giggle she felt a familiar fluttering in her chest. “Hey, Nozomi…”  
  
“Mmm?” Nozomi turned toward Maki, a lingering smile upon her lips.   
  
“I…” Maki felt her throat close up. It was always like this. Nozomi would do something to make her feel the way she just had and Maki would want to express how she felt only to pause, unable to. She didn’t know what she wanted to say. Or rather, she did, she just didn’t know how to say it. She loved the third year, but it was hard to force the words from her mouth. Sometimes she wished she could be more like Nico who didn’t seem to have any issue with telling people exactly how she felt about them. “You were upset at the hospital.”  
  
Nozomi tensed at the softly spoken comment and diverted her eyes back to the tea. She had been upset. It was easy to get that way when she had to see Kotori so upset.   
  
“Nozomi.” Maki whispered when Nozomi didn’t speak. She rubbed her hands up and down Nozomi’s arms and kissed the nape of her neck. She didn’t know what to do. She hardly ever saw Nozomi so upset. “You know you can talk to me, don’t you? Whatever it is, I’m here.”  
  
Nozomi was always there for her and the rest of Muse when they needed her. It was only fair that she should be given the same support. It seemed that she hardly ever needed it though.   
  
Nozomi clenched her jaw, struggling to stay composed. It was hard to when the ache in her chest was so strong and Maki was showing her such kindness.   
  
“I don’t know how to help them, Maki-chan.” She finally spoke, her voice quivering. “Kotori-chan, Honoka-chan and the others…I don’t know what I can do. I did everything I could to bring Muse together and now we’re just falling apart right in front of me. I don’t know how I’ll keep everyone together. I-I don’t know what to do, Maki-chan…” She reached up, rubbing at her eyes with a closed fist.   
  
“Nozomi.” Maki gripped Nozomi’s shoulders, trying to turn her around but felt the other girl resist. “You don’t have to hide it from me, you know…” She paused for a moment in trying to get Nozomi to turn around. When she tried again, Nozomi didn’t put up a fight.She caught the briefest sight of tears on Nozomi’s cheeks before the older girl sank into her, pressing her face into Maki’s chest.   
  
Surprised by Nozomi finally giving in, Maki gently wrapped her arms around her and held her close. “We’re going to work it out, Nozomi. There’s nothing we can do to make everything better right away but we will eventually. All we can do is do whatever we can to help Kotori, Honoka and Umi.” She pressed a fleeting kiss to the top of Nozomi’s head before resting her chin there. “You won’t have to bring them together on your own this time, I promise. I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”  
  
“Maki-chan…” Nozomi pulled away and blinked up at Maki for a few seconds before she leaned in to kiss her. Maki tasted salt on her lips before Nozomi pulled away. “I love you.”  
  
Maki inhaled sharply at the declaration. Nozomi had never said that to her before. Her own eyes prickled,  her chest clenching with emotion. Instead of replying verbally she leaned in and kissed Nozomi again, fingers tangling in soft purple hair. She’d never been all that good at expressing herself with words. She was much better at showing. The two stumbled back against the counter, Nozomi accidentally knocking the cups she’d so carefully set out over. Neither of them cared.   
  
Nozomi gripped the back of Maki’s shirt, tugging her closer as she angled her head, parting her lips to let Maki deepen the kiss. It was only when she felt Maki’s hands sneak under her sweatshirt that she pulled away.   
  
“Let’s go to my room, Maki-chan.” She kissed Maki again, just a peck this time. Maki blushed but nodded and Nozomi breathed a sigh of relief. She needed a distraction. Muse may have been anything but perfect at the moment but Maki was the one perfect thing in her life. She kissed her again, unable to help herself as she guided the taller girl to her bedroom.

—-

Honoka took a deep breath of fresh air, her gaze fixed on the setting sun in the distance. Her face was pushed up against the bars of the fence surrounding the roof, her hands clutching two of them tightly. She wasn’t really sure why she’d decided to come to the school rooftop of all places. She supposed it was because she felt most at ease there.   
  
“What are you doing here so late?”   
  
Honoka turned at the sound of a familiar voice. As expected she found Eli standing a few feet away, her hands on her hips. She was dressed in everyday clothes, just khaki pants and a light blue sweater. “Thinking. What about you?”  
  
Eli was slightly taken aback by the emotionless tone of Honoka’s voice. It wasn’t something she was used to hearing. “Picking something up for Umi. I have a spare key so…” She trailed off awkwardly. She didn’t know how to speak to Honoka when she was like this.  
  
Before she had a chance to think of anything, Honoka herself spoke.   
  
“Why are you helping her, Eli-senpai?” Honoka asked, mystified by the reasoning behind Eli’s actions. She didn’t know what to make of her helping Umi. “After what she did…”  
  
Eli didn’t have to ask to know who Honoka was talking about. “Because someone has to. I’m not going to let everyone in Muse turn their backs on her when she’s done nothing wrong.”

“Hm.” Honoka’s lips turned up into a smile, almost like she was amused by what Eli had said. “That’s…nice.”  
  
Eli felt an icy chill go down her spine. This wasn’t Honoka. “Honoka, you’re scaring me. This isn’t you. You’re not someone who would toss your best friend aside just because she hurt you. You’re better than this. I know you are.”  
  
Honoka leaned back against the railings behind her, listening intently to the stillness of the night. Nearby she could hear birds singing but she wasn’t sure where it was coming from. The grating honk of a car soon drowned them out.   
  
Eli swallowed thickly when Honoka didn’t say anything. “Umi thinks this is her fault. If you could see how much she’s hurting right now, you would want to help her too.”  
  
“How much Umi-chan is hurting?” Honoka’s voice was low to begin with but as her eyes flitted up to meet Eli’s, the anger in her voice grew. “What about how much Kotori-chan is hurting? Did you ever think of that? Kotori-chan is stuck in the hospital, she’s been forced to quit Muse. She’s losing her leg, her dancing, her friends, her dreams, h-her dignity! So don’t talk to me about how Umi-chan is feeling right now because I DON’T CARE, okay? I DON’T!”  
  
Eli stepped back, her eyes widening at the fierceness of Honoka’s tone. She could see that the second year’s hands were trembling at her sides. “Honoka, listen to me…”  
  
“I don’t want to listen!” Honoka’s voice broke though she continued regardless. “I’m so SICK of listening to people tell me things! I don’t want to hear it!” She reached up, her fingers finding purchase in her hair as tears filled her eyes. She didn’t want to hear again that Umi was hurting, or that Kotori might never get better. She didn’t want to hear that there was nothing she could do about any of it. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to be angry with Umi but what else could she do? Somehow it felt like being angry with Umi was the only thing she could do. “I don’t…I-I just…”  
  
She squeezed her eyes shut, the mental image of Kotori looking ashamed of herself playing over and over in her mind. It wasn’t fair. None of it was. She felt something crash into her, followed by arms going around her back. The first thing she realized was that whatever was pressed against her was something soft. Even before she realized it was Eli she was leaning into it, desperate for the comfort. Her knees buckled beneath her and she collapsed to the ground, dragging Eli down with her.   
  
Eli gently shushed Honoka, drawing her as close to her as she could. She hated seeing her friend like this.   
  
“I-I don’t hate Umi-chan, Eli-senpai.” Honoka choked out, Eli’s sweater clutched tightly in her hands. Hot tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, spilling onto Eli’s clothes. “But how can I forgive her when Kotori-chan is so hurt?! How can I forgive either of us?”  
  
Eli stopped stroking Honoka’s hair. “Either of you?”  
  
“It’s my fault.” Honoka pulled away, roughly wiping her eyes. She didn’t deserve to be so weak. “I should have noticed. At least Umi-chan did. I should have been paying attention!”  
  
Eli stared at Honoka in shock. She hadn’t expected her to say that. “Honoka, it’s not your fault. Nobody else noticed either. I didn’t notice. You can’t take respon-”  
  
“I can!” Honoka’s voice was loud and easily cut through what Eli was saying. “Kotori-chan is my best friend, Eli-senpai! I should have seen it, I should have paid attention whenever she winced during practice. I should have cared more, I…” She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut against another bout of tears. She should have said something, like Umi had. She should have seen that something wasn’t right. Even before the performance that night, she remembered seeing that Kotori was grimacing from time to time, shifting her weight. She hadn’t said anything.   
  
Eli sighed softly as Honoka dissolved into soft sobs again. She didn’t know what to say to make it better but she couldn’t just leave her like she was. She rummaged through her pocket until she found her phone. Choosing a familiar number, she lifted the phone to her ear.   
  
It only rang a few times before the person she was calling answered the phone. “Hello?”  
  
“Umi.” Eli looked to Honoka, wary of her reaction to the name but Honoka didn’t notice anything. “I’m going to be a bit late. I have…something I have to do.”  
  
“Late?” Umi’s voice sounded warily. “Is something going on? What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing, I…” Eli bit her lip uncertainly. She didn’t know what to say. “It’s fine. I’ve got this.”  
  
“Got what? Is that crying I can hear?” Umi’s voice sounded even more panicked now. “Are you with Honoka? What’s wrong with her?”  
  
Eli shut her eyes. She’d only wanted to tell Umi that she would be a little bit late. “Yes. Don’t worry, I’m…”  
  
“Where are you?” The sound of shuffling on the other end of the line let Eli know that Umi was most likely rummaging around for her jacket. “Eli!”  
  
Eli swallowed thickly and looked to Honoka. There wasn’t much she could do for her. Maybe it would be better if Umi was there. “The school roof. But Umi…”  
  
The call ended with a click and Eli placed the phone down next to her, seeing no need to hold it any longer. She went back to stroking Honoka’s hair, the girl’s sobs continuing for a few minutes before they quietened down to whimpers. Thankfully it didn’t seem that Honoka had heard her speaking to Umi.   
  
“I’m so stupid, Eli-senpai.” Honoka’s voice was muffled as she pressed herself close to Eli. If anyone should have known what was going on it should have been her. “And selfish.”  
  
What kind of person was she that Kotori would have felt she needed to endanger herself just to make her happy?  
  
“Don’t say that about yourself.” Eli shook her head, holding Honoka closer to her. It was all she could do. She was glad at least that Honoka was opening up to her but she didn’t like the way she was speaking about herself. “You’re not selfish, Honoka. You’ve helped everyone in muse…me, Hanayo, Rin, Maki, Nico, even Umi. Your spark was what made Muse special for all of us.”  
  
“I couldn’t help Kotori though.” Honoka said feebly. “What’s the point i-if I couldn’t help my…” she paused, trying to think of how to describe Kotori. “I don’t understand. I love her so much, Eli-senpai. How could I not see?”  
  
Eli opened her mouth to answer but she didn’t know what she was going to say. She didn’t have a chance to say anything as the door across the roof flew open, hitting the wall with a loud bang that caused both her and Honoka to jump, clinging to each other in alarm.   
  
Umi stood there, breathing heavily, as if she had run all the way to the school. Her gaze was fixed solely on Honoka. “I-I heard you crying o-on…the phone.”  
  
Honoka straightened up, her arms dropping from around Eli. “What are you doing here?!”  
  
Eli cringed. Honoka looked livid. “Honoka, calm down. I called her.”  
  
“Why would you do that?!” Honoka pushed herself quickly to her feet. “I thought I could trust you, I told you…” she had told her everything. Almost.   
  
Eli felt her heart sink. The last thing she wanted was for Honoka to shut her out again. “Wait, you can trust me! I had to call her. We were supposed to meet and I was going to be late. Umi just overheard you crying, that’s all.”  
  
Honoka self-consciously wiped at her cheeks and glared at Umi. “I told you I didn’t want to see you so why did you even come?!”  
  
Eli got to her feet too, trying to mediate. “Umi came because she was worried about you. She still considers you to be her best friend, Honoka. Just hear her out, okay?” She turned to Umi, giving her a slight nod of encouragement.   
  
Umi took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Honoka. I’ve wanted to tell you since I found out about Kotori’s condition but she made me keep it a secret. When Kotori was getting worse, just before the accident, I was so scared. I swear I wanted to tell you but she…”  
  
“Go to hell, Umi-chan.” Honoka’s voice was taut with fury as she glared at her best friend. It was just more infuriating to stand there and listen to Umi blame Kotori.

“Honoka…” Umi lifted her hand but she didn’t dare do anything but watch as Honoka stormed from the roof, slamming the door closed behind her. Defeated, her shoulders slumped, tears forming in her eyes. “She hates me….”  
  
“She doesn’t. She told me she doesn’t.” Eli moved over to Umi, gently taking her hand. Teary eyes looked up at her. “She hates herself. She’s just taking it out on you.”  
  
Umi wasn’t sure that was any better than Honoka hating her.   
  
“Just give her some time. I know she’ll come around.” Eli said softly, her thumb brushing the back of Umi’s hand. She could only hope that would be the case. “You should go and see Kotori. I’m sure she misses you.”  
  
Umi nodded slowly though the idea made her nervous. “Will you go with me?”  
  
“Of course.” Eli squeezed Umi’s hand and tried to ignore the tightening of her chest. Her feelings for Umi had been a bit odd lately to say the least. “Whatever you need, Umi.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter of Unbreakable! Thanks for all of your comments and kudos etc. Hope you guys like this chapter!

“What are you doing, Umi? Just go in. There’s no way she doesn’t want to see you!” Eli’s voice, hushed as it was could be heard clearly in Kotori’s room. “Go on, just go. Stop looking at me like that, it’s going to be fine!”  
  
Kotori had to bit a lip to contain a giggle. She could imagine what kind of desperate look was on Umi’s face now. It had been obvious that someone was hovering outside of the door. She’d been listening to them shuffle around for about ten minutes now though she hadn’t called out to the person.   
  
“Come on!”   
  
Kotori glanced toward the doorway in time to see Eli guide Umi into the room by her shoulders. She brightened at the sight of her best friend. She hadn’t seen her since just before she’d been admitted to the hospital though Umi had kept in touch with text messages. They were just simple messages to ask if Kotori was feeling okay but they meant a lot.   
  
“Umi-chan!” Kotori’s gaze shifted briefly toward Eli. “Eli-chan. I didn’t expect to see you today.” She looked longingly toward Umi, reaching a hand out to her. “Umi-chan?”  
  
Eli gave Umi another gentle push toward the bed. “Don’t mind me, I’m just going to sit over here while you two talk.” She waved for the two to go ahead while she crossed to the other side of the room, taking a seat on the chair near the window.

Kotori watched Eli with a bemused expression, drawing her hand back to her lap. It didn’t seem like Umi was in any hurry to take it. “I’ve missed you, Umi-chan. Where have you been?”  
  
Umi stared down at the edge of Kotori’s bed, unable to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here. I’ve just been busy with some things and I-I should have made the time. I’m sorry.”  
  
Kotori shook her head, a small smile tugged at her lips. “At least you’re here now, Umi-chan. That’s all that matters.” She tilted her head as she looked at Umi, trying to catch her gaze. It was near impossible when Umi was looking down to avoid looking at her but she noticed the downcast expression on her face nonetheless. “Nico-chan told me about Honoka-chan.”  
  
Umi didn’t answer, unable to speak past the sudden lump in her throat.   
  
Kotori glanced worriedly at Eli, hoping for some help but Eli was busy watching Umi.   
  
“Umi-chan?” Kotori carefully touched Umi’s hand, trying to get her attention. “Have you tried talking to her? You know how Honoka-chan is. She can never stay angry with either of us for too long. She never has before.”  
  
“She’s never told me she hates me before either. She’s never said that we aren’t friends before.” Umi answered shakily. She truly believed Honoka when she said that she hated her. It wasn’t hard for her to understand why her friend would feel like that. Realizing she was being selfish, she took a deep breath. “Let’s not talk about that. Your operation is on Friday, isn’t it?”  
  
Kotori already looked upset at the suggestion that Honoka hated Umi but she looked even more upset when her operation was mentioned. “Y-Yeah, it is.”  
  
“I’ll be here.” Umi said confidently. There was no way she would be anywhere else, even if she had to skip school to be there. She knew Honoka probably would be too but she wouldn’t stay away because of that.  
  
“Maki-chan and Nozomi-chan said they would be here too.” Kotori said, trying not to sound too anxious. It would be nice to have those two with her at least. They always seemed to be offering her comfort or reassurance.   
  
“Of course they will.” Eli finally stood up, crossing to the bed and placed her hand on Kotori’s shoulder. It hadn’t escaped her notice that Umi hadn’t looked Kotori in the eye yet. “Last I heard, those two were planning for an overnight stay. It’s pretty useful when your family owns the hospital, huh?”  
  
Kotori managed a bashful smile in response but she was saved from saying anything by Maki, Nozomi and Nico walking into the room. Maki’s hand was loosely holding onto Nozomi’s but as soon as she saw Eli she let go and put some distance between the two of them.   
  
Nozomi rolled her eyes at Maki’s nervous behavior but she resisted the urge to pull her back to her. She knew that Maki was apprehensive of Eli finding out about their relationship but she still wasn’t sure why.   
  
Nico pushed past the two of them, moving to stand between Umi and Kotori. “I brought you some decent food.” She announced, setting the plastic bag she’d brought onto the small table above Kotori’s lap.   
  
“Decent?!” Maki echoed incredulously.   
  
Nico shot Maki a glare. “Yeah, decent. This may be your family’s hospital but the food is crap! I’m not letting Kotori eat that.”  
  
Maki growled in annoyance. “You little…” She was about to stride over to Nico when a hand closed lightly around her wrist and she found herself being drawn back to Nozomi’s side.   
  
“Thank you, Nico-chan.” Kotori said gratefully, a small smile on her lips as she peeked into the bag. As she’d expected there was homemade yakisoba in there, the usual bento box and thermos of miso soup and yet another plate of cookies. Kotori felt her stomach turn at the thought of eating. “I-I’m not really hungry though…”  
  
“Eh? You can’t just not eat, Kotori. You’ll make yourself sick.” Nico crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Have you eaten anything today?”  
  
Kotori looked down at her lap, biting her lip. Every time she’d considered eating something she’d started to think of her surgery and she’d just felt sick. “Not really…”  
  
“Why the hell not?!” Nico’s voice was tinged with annoyance and Kotori flinched slightly. When she looked up all she saw was worry on Nico’s face though. “How do you expect to get through this if you aren’t going to keep your strength up?!”  
  
Kotori wrapped her arms around herself, trying to fight the urge to cry. “I just don’t feel like it…”  
  
Nico visibly paled. “You don’t… _feel_  like it?!” She started toward the bed but this time Maki intercepted her, pushing her back by her shoulders. “Did you not just hear what…”  
  
“You didn’t hear right.” Maki said with a shake of her head. “She didn’t mean it like you think she did so just forget about it, Nico-chan. Kotori obviously wants to get better.”  
  
Silently, Umi crept across the room, her gaze lingering on Kotori. She couldn’t stand to see her looking so upset. She slipped out of the room, thinking that she hadn’t been noticed.   
  
Eli noticed though, having been making sure to keep an eye on Umi since they had entered the room. Sighing, she followed, unnoticed by the others.   
  
Nozomi took a seat on the edge of the bed, gently curling an arm around Kotori’s shoulders and drawing her close. “I know you’re scared, Kotori-chan.” She said softly as Kotori’s head came to rest on her shoulder. “But we’re all here for you. And Nicocchi is right, you do have to eat something to keep your strength up. What if we all eat with you, hmm? I haven’t eaten yet.”  
  
Nico frowned at the suggestion. “Well I didn’t go to the trouble of making it for…”  
  
“Nico-chan!” Maki hissed, effectively silencing the older girl. “You want to help her, don’t you? This is what she needs right now.”  
  
Nico looked like she wanted to argue but instead she gave a stiff nod instead. The last thing she wanted to do was inadvertently upset Kotori again.   
  
—–  
  
Eli found Umi in the bathroom, splashing water on her face. She wasn’t sure how Umi had managed to get so far so quickly but it had taken her a good few minutes to figure out where she’d disappeared to.   
  
“Why did you leave?” She asked though she was fairly certain she already knew the answer to that question.   
  
Umi gripped the edge of the counter, gritting her teeth together. It was only when she was sure she could speak without her voice trembling that she answered. “Did you see that look on her face back there?”  
  
Eli’s brow furrowed slightly. She had been too busy looking at Umi if she was honest. She felt slightly guilty for that. Kotori needed her but so did Umi. It wasn’t as though anyone else was going out of their way to help her. “What?”  
  
“She feels useless, just like she did the last time something like this happened.” Umi’s gaze was fixed intently on the half full wash basin in front of her. “I hate this!”  
  
“Umi…” Eli stepped forward, pausing when Umi visibly tensed. “I know it’s hard. I know…”  
  
“You don’t know anything!” Umi’s voice was loud this time, echoing around the room. “Talking about how you understand how hard it isn’t going to help anyone!”  
  
Eli’s expression hardened suddenly. “Neither is averting your eyes! You can’t just look away and pretend this isn’t happening! You can’t just refuse to look her in the eye and pretend you don’t see her suffering!”  
  
“You think that’s what I’m doing?!” Umi turned around suddenly, her eyes meeting Eli’s. They were lined with tears, Eli noticed. “You think I’m some kind of coward for not being able to watch as she struggles? Maybe I am, Eli. Maybe I shouldn’t even be here. Maybe I should have been the one to leave Muse first. Everyone thinks that anyway, don’t they? Hardly anyone from Muse will speak to me much, I’ve lost Honoka… ”  
  
“You still have me.” Eli interrupted before Umi could get any further into what was sure to be a self-deprecating rant. “I’ve been by your side this entire time, haven’t I? And Kotori still wants you with her too. Maybe you saw when she looked upset but I saw the way her eyes lit up when she saw you. She needs you, Umi! And Honoka does too, even if she won’t admit it. You can’t just leave them!”  
  
“Damn it, I’m SCARED, Eli!” Umi cried out loudly. “It’s always been the three of us together. What if I lose them? There could be complications with Kotori’s surgery. She could end up with a blood clot o-or a pulmonary embolism or an infection! What if she…?” She trailed off, unable to voice the idea of Kotori dying. “I can’t do this, I-I can’t…” Her hands went into her hair, her vision blurring with tears.   
  
“Yes you can!” Eli strode over to Umi and wrapped her arms around her, drawing her close. The second year was trembling. “You can. You don’t have to do it alone, Umi. I’m right here with you, remember?” She felt Umi relax into her embrace and held on tighter. “It’s going to be alright in the end. All you need to do is be there for Kotori. Even if Honoka is there, don’t run away. And don’t avert your eyes like this is your fault. It isn’t your fault!”  
  
Umi couldn’t say that she believed what Eli was saying but she nodded anyway and buried her face into the crook of the girl’s neck.   
  
—–  
  
Kotori gripped the hands in her own as tightly as she could, feeling nauseous with worry. She was sure that if she was alone she would have been in tears of fright by now. As it was though, she wasn’t at all alone. Everyone had shown up to stay with her for the hours before her surgery.   
  
Nozomi and Maki had brought bags with them, declaring that they would be staying with her the night following the surgery. It had already been permitted apparently. It seemed that Maki could get her anything she wanted, she need only ask. The redhead had bashfully pointed that out yesterday before she’d left the hospital with Nozomi. Kotori had been touched by the sentiment. Maki had already done so much for her though. The only reason she had her own room was because Maki had requested it of her family. That was obvious. In the past she’d never had her own room.   
  
Honoka had grumbled for a while about how she wanted to stay with Kotori too but now she was silently sitting next to her, her fingers tangled with Kotori’s whose head rested lightly on her shoulder.  
  
Umi was on Kotori’s other side, her own hand tightly gripping her friend’s. She shared wary glances with Honoka every now and then but neither of them said anything. They had called a truce before entering the room, suggested by Honoka surprisingly enough.   
  
Nozomi was perched on the edge of the bed, halfway down. Had it not been for Umi she would have been in her usual position. She had settled herself close but not close enough to impose on the three of them.   
  
Nico was hovering at the foot of the bed, an anxious looking Hanayo next to her though the two had barely said two words to each other. It seemed that Hanayo was too worried about Kotori to speak and Nico was still too riddled with guilt to address Hanayo herself.   
  
Rin was standing nearby, nervously bouncing from foot to foot. She seemed to have busied herself with glaring at Nico’s back, still angry with her for hitting Hanayo. It hardly mattered that it had been an accident. She had still done it.   
  
Eli was standing at the far side of the room, away from everyone else. There was a small smile playing at her lips despite her own niggling concern for Kotori. It was nice to see all of Muse in one place again. She wasn’t sure when it would happen again after this though. It seemed it might not.   
  
She watched Maki and Nozomi’s interaction with a hint of curiosity. Maki was standing right next to Nozomi, her hand on the third year’s shoulder. Nozomi’s hand was covering hers and they both looked completely unfazed by the contact. It was almost casual, like they’d done it a thousand times before.   
  
Kotori’s mother was standing by the door, silently watching the girls though she was fidgeting anxiously as she did so. She had to admit that it was nice to see Kotori with so many friends who genuinely cared for her. It hadn’t been like that when Kotori had her first surgery when she was much younger. She remembered Kotori feeling isolated and misunderstood, to the point where she just wanted to stay inside.   
  
Umi’s eyes briefly met Principal Minami’s and they shared a look of mutual understanding before turning their gazes away. Umi shifted closer to Kotori on the bed, her other hand moving to cover the hand already in her own.   
  
Kotori gave a weak chuckle as she looked down at their hands. “Umi-chan is being a bit clingy today.”   
  
Her voice broke the silence in the room. None of them had been speaking much but it was enough that they were there.   
  
Umi flushed at the observation. She couldn’t help it. She was too worried about Kotori. “Well, you know…” She trailed off, unable to say that she was worried that something bad was going to happen in the surgery. She was sure they all felt that way.   
  
Honoka eyed Umi with a vague look of irritation and curled her arm tighter around Kotori’s, holding her closer to her. When Umi noticed the movement and looked toward her, she narrowed her eyes slightly. She was surprised when instead of glaring right back at her, Umi quickly glanced away.   
  
Maki noticed the movement, a frown appearing on her lips. It seemed that Nozomi noticed too as she tensed beneath her hand. Maki subtly moved closer, pressing herself close to Nozomi’s side.   
  
Rin wasn’t as silent about what she’d noticed. “Honoka-chan!” She scolded, her voice slightly annoyed. “That’s not fair. You shouldn’t be so mean to Umi-chan, nya!”  
  
“It’s fine, Rin!” Umi herself cut in quickly, not wanting Kotori to get upset. “It’s fine, really.” She looked at Kotori, offering a gentle smile when she saw her staring back at her in concern. “Nothing’s going to keep me from being beside you. I’m your best friend just as much as Honoka is.”  
  
Honoka growled under her breath, barely resisting the urge to say something to Umi.  
  
Nozomi reached over and subtlely pinched Honoka’s leg, shooting her a stern look when she looked toward her. Annoyed but apparently placated, Honoka turned to stare at the wall with a huff.   
  
Nico scoffed as she watched Maki and Nozomi. Maki had practically attached herself to Nozomi’s side. “You’re not subtle at all, Maki.”  
  
Maki glanced over at Nico. “What?”  
  
“While we’re waiting for the doctor to arrive, why don’t you tell us all about the person you’re dating, Nozomi.” Nico suggested with a smug smile. “You have to lead your kouhai by example, don’t you?”  
  
Nozomi looked startled for a moment before she pasted her usual unfazed look back on her face. “Did you just call yourself my kouhai, Nicocchi? That’s adorable.”  
  
“Wha…?” Nico’s eyes widened at her slip. “I-I was talking about them!”  
  
“Leave Nozomi alone, Nico.” Eli sighed, pinching her nose in exasperation. “She’s obviously not dating anyone. I’m her best friend. I’d be the first to know, not you. Right, Nozomi?”  
  
“Right.” Nozomi answered weakly while Maki let go of her shoulder and took a couple of steps away from her. She’d always thought it would be that way too. She didn’t want to tell Eli while Maki was worried about it though. “Of course.”  
  
Eli’s brow furrowed slightly in confusion at Nozomi’s words but before she could press her for more information the door was pulled open and a young woman stepped into the room. She gave pause for a moment when she saw how full the room was but she didn’t let it faze her.   
  
“This room is a lot fuller than usual.” Itsuki teased as she wandered closer to the bed. Maki quickly moved out of the way to give her some space. “It’s time to get ready, Kotori-chan.” She glanced at the other girls. “You can go to the cafeteria if you want then come back up.”  
  
Nico scowled at that. “Hospital food…”  
  
“I want Honoka-chan and Umi-chan to stay.” Kotori said hurriedly, gripping their hands tighter. She looked pleadingly at Itsuki. “Just as long as they’re allowed to. Please?”  
  
Itsuki sighed at the look Kotori was giving her. She’d experienced it quite a bit. “Fine. But just the two of them. You’ll see everyone else after your surgery.”  
  
“Thank you, Itsuki-san!” Kotori exclaimed, relieved to have her friends by her side. She let go of their hands for a moment though, turning her attention to Nozomi. “Nozomi-chan?”  
  
Nozomi, who had been about to head toward the door, paused and turned to Kotori. “Yeah?”  
  
“Can I…” Kotori trailed off, blushing slightly and reached for Nozomi.   
  
Nozomi’s expression cleared when she realized what Kotori wanted. “Why didn’t you just say so?” She moved over to the bed and leaned in to hug Kotori tightly.   
  
Kotori’s arms went around Nozomi in turn. “You should tell Eli-chan the truth.” She whispered after a moment. “Before she finds out from someone else.”  
  
Nozomi pulled away and smiled warmly, briefly touching Kotori’s cheek. “I will. Don’t worry about that. I’ll see you after your surgery.”  
  
Kotori nodded and watched as Nozomi moved away though not even a moment later she was gently seized in another embrace, by Maki this time. She was surprised by that. Usually Maki wasn’t one to show affection easily.   
  
“If you need anything just tell me, okay?” Maki requested, her heart strangely heavy in her chest. She knew that Kotori was in good hands but even she was nervous about the surgery. “I’ll ask my father for anything you need.”  
  
Kotori chuckled gently and patted Maki’s back. “I’ll be fine, Maki-chan. Thank you.”  
  
“Nozomi and I will be here when you wake up, alright?” Maki held Kotori for a longer moment before she pulled away and went to join Nozomi.   
  
Kotori gratefully accepted the quick hugs from the rest of the group though as she watched them go there was an ache left in her chest. She wouldn’t be able to be with them, not the way she had been before. She smiled tearfully as they left the room, leaving her alone with her mom, Honoka, Umi and Itsuki.   
  
—-  
  
Maki walked a few paces behind Eli and the others, her gaze fixed to Nozomi’s back. She hadn’t failed to notice the upset look on Nozomi’s face when Eli had told Nico to be quiet. It wasn’t Nozomi’s fault that she was keeping the secret from Eli. Not really.   
  
She noticed Nozomi slow down, falling back from the others and took the opportunity to grab her hand, tugging her away from the group.  
  
Nozomi allowed herself to be pulled away, trusting that Maki knew her way around the hospital well enough to not get them lost.   
  
It didn’t take Maki more than a moment to figure out where she was going. She readjusted her grip on Nozomi’s wrist and led her down the corridors until they reached an empty on-call room. They slipped inside and Maki locked the door behind them.   
  
“Trying to get me alone, Maki-ch…mmph!” Nozomi was cut off by hands seizing her collar, lips pressing hard against her own. The force of Maki’s weight against her own had her stumbling back against the wall but she didn’t pay attention to that. Her arms instinctively went around Maki’s back, holding her closer to her as the redhead kissed her deeply. She responded in kind though she wasn’t really sure what was going on.   
  
When Maki finally pulled away, her breathing was labored. “Sorry, I just…needed that.”  
  
Nozomi made a sound of disagreement. “We both kind of did.” She pressed her lips gently to Maki’s for just a moment. “Do you feel better?”  
  
Maki hesitated before shaking her head. “I don’t want you to tell her yet. I-I’m sorry but I just don’t want people to know. I don’t want Eli to know.”  
  
“Just Elichi?” Nozomi didn’t fail to notice the meaning behind Maki’s words. “She’s my best friend. We’ve talked about this, Maki-chan. Elichi doesn’t like me that way. I don’t know where you got that idea.”  
  
“I know that!” Maki exclaimed loudly, the corners of her eyes stinging with tears of frustration. She hadn’t known that in the beginning. She was sure that Eli liked Nozomi romantically. “I just don’t want her to disapprove of me, okay?! She’s your best friend!”  
  
“Huh?” Nozomi could barely comprehend what Maki was saying.   
  
“I just think that when she finds out she’s going to hate me. She’s so protective, even if you don’t see it. And we’ve kept this secret for so long she’s going to be mad at you. At us. I don’t want you to lose her like Umi lost Honoka! I know how much you love her.” Maki pressed herself close to Nozomi, blinking to clear her vision. “I’ve screwed everything up because I was stupid and jealous. I didn’t want anyone to know because I thought if Eli did have feelings for you and confessed to you, you’d leave me.”  
  
“Idiot.” Nozomi gave Maki a tight squeeze. “I do love Elichi. Of course I do. But I love you in a different way. You know that.” She waited until Maki pulled away to blink up at her. “I’m not going to leave you for her. And she wouldn’t ask me to. Hey…” She pressed her forehead against Maki’s, her hand going to the back of her neck. “I love you. I’ll say it as many times as it takes for you to believe me. I love you, Maki-chan. I l-” She was once again cut off by lips pressing against her own and she melted into the kiss, guiding Maki gently back to the bed behind her.   
  
—-  
  
It was a little over thirty minutes before Honoka and Umi returned to the waiting room where the others were sitting. As soon as they got there, Honoka crossed to the opposite side of the room, leaning against the wall.   
  
Eli glanced between the two of them. Honoka was clearly trying to make a point of standing as far away from Umi as she could get. It irritated Eli if she was honest but she couldn’t say anything after what had happened on the school roof a couple of nights ago. As cruel as Honoka was being, Eli knew she was hurting just as much as Umi.   
  
“Umi, come here.” She beckoned the crushed looking girl over to her, tapping the seat next to her. She was relieved when Umi moved without hesitation, sitting down next to her. Her arm went around the second year’s shoulders and she drew her close to her side. Across the room, Honoka scoffed in response to the action and crossed her arms in front of her chest.   
  
“Are you okay?” Eli whispered to Umi, keeping her voice low so as not to attract Honoka’s attention.   
  
“I guess. Just worried about Kotori.” Umi moved closer to Eli, resting her head against her shoulder. She couldn’t help but worry about all of the possible complications she’d read about.  “I just want to see her again.”  
  
“You will. It won’t be that long.” Eli said softly, her hand moving to gently stroke Umi’s hair. If she was honest she was worried too. She didn’t know if anything would go wrong with the surgery. Not even the doctors could tell them that. She cast a quick glance over at Honoka, finding her staring hard at the floor. She seemed to be completely tensed, her jaw clenched. Eli sighed. She wished she could do something to help but after what had happened a couple of nights ago she was sure Honoka wouldn’t let her back in easily.   
  
Umi sighed softly and closed her eyes, trying to focus on the gentle movement of Eli’s fingers through her hair. She couldn’t let herself focus on what could be happening in the operating room. The operation would be underway now she knew and Kotori would be blissfully unaware. Until she woke up.   
  
Nico watched the two closely, taking note of how oddly comfortable Umi seemed to be with Eli. She rolled her eyes and glanced toward Hanayo who was nervously wringing her hands. She swallowed thickly as she watched Hanayo’s gaze dart from person to person, finally landing on her. Purple eyes widened in surprise when she found Nico looking back at her and she hurriedly offered a small smile.   
  
Encouraged by the gesture, Nico cleared her throat and started over to Hanayo. “Hey, I just wanted to say I’m…” She was cut off by Rin appearing in front of her, an irritated glare on her face.   
  
“Stay away from Kayo-chin nya!” Rin commanded, her tone harsh with annoyance. “You can’t speak to her after what you did to her! You haven’t even said you’re sorry, nya!”  
  
Nico gritted her teeth together. When she spoke the gentle tone she had used with Hanayo a moment ago disappeared completely. “If you’d let me get a damn word in, I was just about to do that. Would you get out of my way?!”  
  
“No.” Rin answered indignantly, narrowing her eyes at Nico. “You really upset Kayo-chin when you hit her, nya! She had a bruise on her arm and everything!”  
  
“Rin-chan, stop. It’s fine.” Hanayo said hurriedly, reaching for Rin’s hand.   
  
Rin frowned at the response. “No, it’s-”  
  
“Would you three please shut the hell UP?!” Honoka exclaimed, straightening up slightly. “Why are you even talking about that here? We’re meant to be here for Kotori!”  
  
Umi lifted her head from Eli’s shoulder. “Honoka…”  
  
“Don’t TALK TO ME!” Honoka shot Umi a fierce glare and waited for everyone else to fall silent before she slid down the wall, her head falling into her hands. She just wanted everything to go back to normal. She wanted Kotori’s leg to be fixed. She could have prevented all of this if she’d just paid attention like Umi had. If she’d cared enough to listen to what Kotori was saying to her. Tears filled her eyes and she pressed her face against her knees, sobbing quietly into them. It was all such a mess.   
  
Eli’s chest tightened uncomfortably as she watched Honoka crying softly. “Where the hell are Nozomi and Maki?” She muttered, unable to get up and go to Honoka.   
  
Umi rose to her feet, determination on her face and crossed the room toward Honoka.   
  
“Umi, what…?”  
  
Umi ignored Eli’s worried question and focused on Honoka instead. It hurt her to see Honoka in so much pain but she knew there wasn’t much she could do to stop it. Taking a deep breath she knelt down next to Honoka and reached for her, pulling her firmly into her arms.   
  
Honoka began to struggle immediately, pushing at Umi’s shoulders. “Let GO of me! What the hell are you doing?!”  
  
Umi held tight, shaking her head. “I’m not letting you go, Honoka. I don’t care how much you hate me, I’m not giving up on you.”  
  
“LIAR!” Honoka lashed out, hitting Umi’s back and sides to get her to let go but Umi was much stronger than her. Aside from the occasional grunt of pain she didn’t even acknowledge the blows. She just held tight until Honoka finally slumped forward against her, worn out and sobbing. Her breath hitched in her throat when she felt hands grasp at the back of her shirt.   
  
“I’m so scared, Umi-chan. I love Kotori-chan so much, I-I don’t…” She choked on her words and gave up on speaking entirely. Kotori was her best friend. She was more than that to her. She had been for a while even if Honoka couldn’t admit it to herself.   
  
“I know. I’m scared too, Honoka.” Umi said quietly, holding onto Honoka even tighter. She couldn’t remember ever being so afraid. Slowly, she pulled away, her hands going to Honoka’s cheeks to force eye contact. “We have to be strong for her, alright? She’s going to need us more than ever.”  
  
Eli observed the two of them, enraptured by Umi’s sudden display of strength. Looking at Umi, at the gentle smile on her lips despite the tears brimming in her eyes, she felt an odd fluttering in her chest and pressed her hand against it, her brow furrowing.   
  
Honoka sniffled softly but she didn’t say anything.

  
Umi was hesitant to let go of Honoka, vaguely aware that after she did it would be a long time before Honoka let her get so close again. “I don’t want you to hate me. But if that’s what you need to do, I understand. I just want you to know that I’ll always be here for you. Whenever you need me, okay?”  
  
Honoka nodded though instead of pulling away she sank back into Umi, burying her face in her best friend’s chest.  
  
Across the room, the door opened and Nozomi and Maki walked into the room, pausing at the sight that greeted them.   
  
“Is everything okay?” Nozomi asked carefully, glancing toward Eli in search of an answer. All she received was a shake of the head as Eli looked away from her.   
  
“Oh, everything’s just peachy here!” Nico answered angrily. “What the hell do you think? LOOK at her!” She gestured wildly toward Honoka who was still crying softly in Umi’s arms. “Where the hell were the two of you?!”  
  
Maki glanced guiltily between Honoka and Nozomi. “We were just getting coffee. And our bags for the night…”  
  
Nico’s hands balled up into fists and she scoffed under her breath. “It’s been over an hour since we got to the room. Like hell were you getting coffee the entire time.”   
  
“Fine, I wanted to be alone with Maki-chan for a while.” Nozomi answered, trying not to look as guilty as she felt. “I was worried about Kotori-chan so I wanted to talk to Maki-chan about it, that’s all.”  
  
Eli snuck a glance over at Nozomi, finding her busy staring Nico down. It had been like this for a while. She remembered a time when Nozomi would go to her before anyone else yet more and more it was Maki she was going to. Nico’s words from earlier echoed in her mind and something clicked into place. It only made sense. Her stomach knotted uncomfortably and she found herself having to swallow against the lump in her throat.   
  
She slowly stood from her seat, wavering on her feet. “I’m going to take a walk.” She said quietly, drawing the attention of everyone besides Honoka.   
  
“Are you okay, Eli?” Umi called from where she was still holding onto Honoka. “You look ill. Let me come with you, I’ll…”  
  
“No.” Eli interrupted, shaking her head. “Stay with Honoka. I’ll be fine, Umi. You don’t need to worry about me.” With that said she left the room quickly, her legs shaking beneath her. She made it halfway down the corridor when she heard heavy footsteps behind her. She glanced over her shoulder, almost hoping to find Nozomi behind her. Usually she would. “Oh, it’s just you…”  
  
Maki stopped a couple of feet away from Eli. Up close Eli looked even paler. “Are you not feeling well?”  
  
Eli gave a simple shake of her head. “So how long have you two been together?”  
  
Maki’s eyes widened, her stomach plummeting with dread. “W-What?”  
  
“I’m not an idiot, Maki. Don’t treat me like one.” Eli said though her voice lacked any real strength. “How long?”  
  
“A-A few months…” Maki caught the briefest glimpse of Eli’s features crumbling but Eli had already turned away from her. “Wait, wait, wait! Eli, Nozomi wanted to tell you. She really did but I asked her not to. I thought if you knew you’d think I was taking your best friend or…”  
  
“You did take my best friend.” Eli said softly, her voice laced with emotion. “Nozomi hasn’t been here for a while, not really. I can’t blame that on you though. I knew I felt distant from her but I didn’t want it to be true so I ignored it. And now that I’m paying attention she’s just gone.”  
  
“She’s not gone, she’s just…” Maki hesitated for a moment. She knew it had been a while since Nozomi and Eli had spent any real time together. “She still thinks of you as her best friend?”  
  
Eli gave a tearful laugh at Maki’s tone. It almost sounded like a question. “That’s a relief then.” She stepped forward, patting Maki’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about it, Maki.”  
  
“But I am worried!” Maki protested, staring intently at the tears that clung to Eli’s lashes. “I knew this would happen and I still made her keep it a secret from you.” She hadn’t realized that Nozomi might be distancing herself from Eli to make sure she could keep the secret.   
  
“Stop taking the blame for other people’s actions. It’s not your fault.” Eli said with a shake of her head. “Look, I hope the two of you are happy together, okay?” She squeezed Maki’s shoulder one more time. “I’m going to freshen up. I’ll be back in a bit.”  
  
Maki watched as Eli began to walk away from her. “ELI!” She yelled, causing Eli to draw to a stop. She quietened quickly. “How is Nozomi meant to be happy if you’re so sad?”  
  
There was a moment of silence before Eli responded, weakly. “Is that still something she cares about?” She didn’t wait for an answer before she continued on her way. This time Maki didn’t stop her.   
  
—  
  
Maki took a steady breath as she made her way back into the waiting room. She glanced around to, finding Nico leaning against the wall and Nozomi sitting in one of the chairs. Honoka and Umi still hadn’t left their spots and it seemed Honoka had fallen asleep.    
  
“Where are Rin and Hanayo?”   
  
Nico glared at her before giving a defeated sigh. “They left. Rin didn’t like what was going on so she took Hanayo home.”  
  
Maki wanted to press her further but she was too tired, she needed to talk to Nozomi. She walked over to the older girl and sat right beside her. She observed her posture and position. Nozomi was staring at the floor, her fists clenched upon her lap. When she felt another presence she looked up with dampened eyes.  “Maki-chan what happened with Elicchi?”   
  
Maki could tell Nozomi was upset. Biting her lip she turned to face away, a hand reaching for a strand of red hair. She twirled it awkwardly as she tried to think of how to answer Nozomi. She knew lying was not an option. She was a terrible liar, and Nozomi would easily tell.    
  
“She knows…about us..” Her voice was choked as she spoke. “She fucking knows, and she feels like she’s lost you as her friend. Tell me Nozomi, have you even been there for Eli at all since we began to date? Did you really start to distance yourself from her because of me!?”  
  
Nozomi looked shocked at Maki’s words. She supposed she had been ignoring Eli. It had just been her way of hiding the truth from her. Not caring that Nico was there she gently leaned in and kissed Maki’s forehead. “Stay here, I’m going to look for her. I’m sorry, Maki-chan. “  
  
Nozomi pushed herself up and took a steady breath. She had to find Eli. She left the room, making a beeline for the bathroom but she didn’t find Eli there either. She tried Kotori’s hospital room next with the same result. She tried everywhere she could think of but she was soon left with only one option. She traipsed up the stairs to the hospital roof, finding Eli standing at the far end, overlooking the parking lot.   
  
“Elichi?” She approached Eli slowly, wary of startling her. “What are you doing up here?”  
  
Eli didn’t look at her. “I figured this is the only place I’d get some peace and quiet. I guess I was wrong about that. What is it?”  
  
Nozomi sighed and shifted from foot to foot. “Maki-chan told me that you know about…us.” She paused, expecting a response but she didn’t get one. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I really did want to, you have to believe me. But Maki-chan was worried and…”  
  
“So you’re pinning the blame on her too?” Eli cut in sharply. “It’s no surprise that she blames herself. She’s just a first year, Nozomi. You need to take responsibility.”  
  
Nozomi was taken aback by the way Eli was speaking to her. She recognized that tone of voice. It was the same voice she’d used when she’d been on the student council, when she was berating Honoka and the others.   
  
“Could you just leave me alone, Nozomi? I’m trying to think.” Eli said sharply as she turned to face the sky. She was in no mood for such nonsense, she had enough about secrets that the group seemed to be hiding. She was tired of the lies.   
  
“It hurts me to see you this way Elichi, and I’m not blaming Maki-chan. I know she has anxiety problems. The reason I kept it from you was because she was worried that I would leave her for you! I didn’t want her to feel insecure around me. “ Nozomi tried to explain. She would never blame Maki for this, Maki was only acting on her fears. Nozomi should’ve calmed her down and reasoned with her, telling her that Eli would have been fine with the idea.   
  
“What?” Eli asked confused before turning around to stare at the now crying girl. “Why would she think that!? I-I we…we don’t even think of each other like that!?”  
  
“That’s what I tried to tell her, but she was still scared….I’m sorry Elichi. I should’ve just told you. I screwed our friendship up because of this and I—”  
  
Eli turned away again tears prickling her eyes. “I needed you….I needed my best friend, Nozomi. Everything is falling apart and I can’t do everything. Umi needed someone and so did Honoka. I did all I could for them…but I needed advice. I needed someone beside me. We were a team, Nozomi!”  
  
“I know that! I fucked up, I was selfish. I know and I’m sorry. It’s just…you’re right, everything is screwed up and Muse is falling apart and I can’t do anything about it because everyone is fighting! No one is listening to anyone’s side and the only thing keeping me from breaking is Maki-chan’s love for me. “ Nozomi sobbed as she continued to stare at Eli’s back.   
  
Eli didn’t say a word as she continued to look straight ahead. She felt Nozomi walk toward her and she took a deep breath as she felt her classmate press her forehead against her back.   
  
“Maki’s love is the only thing you have?” Eli’s voice shook, her hands clenching at her sides. “I’ve always been here, Nozomi. You’re the one who left me.”  
  
“No…It’s just she’s been there for me, noticing when I’m upset and stuff. I know if you were with me during those visits with Kotori-chan you would have noticed too…” Nozomi sniffles. She frowned as she thought of those times when Eli did notice. She couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. “I guess I’ve been a real burden to her as well huh? I should’ve relied on both of you. I’m such an idiot. ”  
  
“You are.” Eli replied simply as she continued to look ahead of her. “Everyone in Muse have been complete idiots these past weeks.  I’m just surprised you’re one of them.“  
  
“Ouch….Elichi that was cold…though I deserved that….”   
  
Eli let out a tired sigh. “Can we just not talk right now? I have a lot on my mind.“  
  
Nozomi nodded as she continued to rest her head upon Eli’s tensed back. 


End file.
